Mommy Résumé

mommy Belle and Earthquakers

 Mommy Belle

321 WhitsEnd Lane, Bellesboro, Some State, USA 54321          SuperMommyOfTwins@gmail.com

Objective:  Explaining (in a tip-of-the-iceberg sort of way) what “Stay At Home Moms” do all day

Summery:

  • Expert off-spring maker & quality care provider with over 9 years of extensive, expensive, and intensive mommying experience.
  • Dedicated wife and mother to 3 awesome children: Mica, my 9-year-old daughter and a set of 2-year-old boy/girl twins, Brooks and Bella.  Aunt to three superkids:  8-year-old “Hope,” who lives with me part-time, newborn “Rain,” and one 2-year-old, Asher.
  • Proven ability to manage multiple projects while (almost always) meeting challenging deadlines, such as dinner, church and most appointments.
  • Extensive involvement in all levels of child-rearing up to 8 years old.

Education:

– Valedictorian of High School (granted, there was a grand total of 12 seniors, but still…)

– Associate in Arts in Criminal Justice (a degree I’m proud to mention, although I’ve never been on the right or wrong side of the law)

– BS in Psychology (which, in my experience, is what most psychologists spew)

Experience & Skills:

  • Gourmet Chef (but some experience with short order cooking):  Ability to use multiple pots and pans, microwave and oven while simultaneously wearing a baby and ensuring the kitchen does not catch on fire or end up looking like a disaster by the time I am completed.
  • Janitor:  Temporary success from time-to-time completing never-ending cycles of laundry, cleaning floors, sorting and sanitizing toys, and dusting at least once per year.
  • Doctor:  No med school but I know how to fix the boo boos and kiss it all better.
  • Psychiatrist:  I manage my own Bipolar disorder, toggle among my 6 current psychiatric medications depending on current needs.
  • Child Psychologist:  Proven success manipulating motivating children to behave, particularly when others aren’t looking.
  • Teacher:  Have formed the enviable talent of explaining in long, drawn-out detail, extremely monotonous and simple things.
  • Scientist:  Extensive experimenting experience.  Most notably, using vinegar and baking soda for cleaning (and getting the kids involved in scrubbing when they hear “the sound of clean.”)
  • Preacher:  less of a “Brimstone and Fire” type and more of the “What Would Jesus do?” kind.  Relationship building, not religion teaching.
  • Investigator:  Sometimes, just once in a while, it is too quiet, and there is trouble amiss.
  • Police Officer, Judge, and Corrections Officer, I protect & serve and issue verdicts to end the disputes, and execute the sentences (usually time outs).
  • Professional Item Locator:  I know where any piece of any game is, at any given time.  I have the ability to subconsciously make a mental note when I see something out of place and recall its location when someone asks for it later.
  • Organization Specialist:  Use this must-have skill that all moms of multiples must acquire in order to simply survive.
  • Administrator and Administrative Assistant, I schedule and keep the appointments and make the coffee.
  • Event Planner:  How many birthdays and anniversaries there are every year?  In a family this large, more than one.  I handle all that with ease.
  • Author and Editor:  Have narrated and rewritten countless stories I have learned or made up, and continually recount events from my own life adding questions and morals.  Also must make time to write prayer journals and in baby books, so as to never forget.  Blog to express feelings and connect with others.
  • Computer and Electronics and Washing Machine Repair Person:  I can turn the computer off and back on again.  I can install a light bulb without getting shocked.  I can kick the machine ’til it works.  And that’s how that works.
  • Plumber:  Own plunger too.  And a homemade sink snake.  And a pipe wrench just in case.  I didn’t have fancy insulation, so I duct taped old towels to the water heater to save money.
  • Chief Fiscal Manager:  The bills get paid and the buck stops here.
  • Risk Examiner Specialist:  To determine how much insurance we need, usually just a helmet.
  • Singer / Songwriter: Children must fall asleep somehow / My children spark my inspiration (although I need a collaborator since I have lyrics but can’t write the music, I hear it in my head).
  • Actor / Entertainer:  Most of the time, I don’t feel like doing it, but it must be done so I slap on a smile and enthusiastically jump in and do what needs to be done.
  • Drill Sargent:  Use to combat defiance during periods of homework or chores – a last resort strategy.
  • Chauffeur:  Drive everyone everywhere, install all car seats correctly.
  • Personal Shopper:  Professional thrifter.  Main purchaser of things needed for self – times shopper for everyone else in the family.

Languages:

  • Conversational Toddler-ese
  • Communicational Spanish – enough to keep up with the inlaws.
  • Competency in doing common-core mathematic word problems in Spanish (daughter, Mica attends Spanish immersion school) ~ no easy feat!

Availability:

Available to work 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th shifts, capable of holding one baby and wearing the other during bathroom breaks.  On call during all other hours of the day/night.  Except when expected to service husband.

Compensation Expectations:  Far above rubies

(April 2, 2016 –  twins 8 months)

Double Talk Quote: “It must be nice to just stay at home all day” – said the idiot  “Yes, I love laying around eating bonbons and watching Judge Judy while the kids feed, teach, and love themselves and the house magically becomes clean.” – replied the smarty-pants stay-at-home-mom.

Bible Verse: Proverbs 31:10-31 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies...”

Term that has Lost its meaning: career move

Relatable Lyrics: “The Mom Song” by Go Fish https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6nuB37MHko – This is a MUST LISTEN if you are a mom!

one of the best photos of all time2015-03-20 kids earthquakers  earthquakers twins asher

Cat in the Hat 2015-04-02 Mommy resume

Earthquakers - Micaela Grace, twins brooks and bella barbie car sun

Comments on: "Mommy Résumé" (36)

  1. I bow before you. I’d add miracle worker to your résumé. I’m pretty sure that Jesus would agree. God without doubt is working miracles through you. God bless you.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Love the picture of the cat & the hat…that is a picture perfect description!
    Love the way this is written..your pretty witty!!!! pretty & witty

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the resume! Number one because it is so true as a mom of twins and number two because I am a recruiter and I look at resumes all day!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Loved this! I only have two kids and they’re both school aged now. But the work load, while it’s shifted from DOING much of the work, involves supervising and juggling schedules for multiple people and driving kids here-there-and-everywhere, doing so much more than what an outsider might think happens during the course of a day. Why aren’t we paid?!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. sandracharrondotcom said:

    I may have a job offer for you 😉
    This covered it all. I’m overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacies.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ahh, come on, we SuperMommies gotta stick together! I promise you that on your darkest days you too, are, overqualified, as long as you love your little ones, put God first, and remember to take time to help others, even if it’s just opening the door for a mom struggling with her newborn and all the huge diaper bag that contains a million things she doesn’t realize yet that she doesn’t need! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love your mommy resumes. I didn’t realize how much of an expert we truly are!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I linked you in my post. Thanks for inspiring me.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Great post! Enjoyed it very much…Reminded me of my mother and how she raised all six of us….Dave 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That’s an impressive resume. I particularly like the comment that you have never been on the right side or wrong side of the law and being the what would Jesus do type preacher. I think keeping a resume like this helps to remind us all that just being a mom is not being unemployed.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Quite a resume. I’d add ‘superhero’ to the list 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Just writing a resume of this magnitude should be included in this resume! Brilliant SuperMommy!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. This a whole mouthful. AMAZING!!! Mommies truly are everything, jack of all trades and master of all.

    Like

  13. This is such a cute and funny post! I admire super moms, and I hope to be one like my own mother some day. I also nominated you for an award on my blog!

    Like

  14. As a mom of twins (plus some) as well, I am excited to have found your site and I LOVE your resume. I don’t think I have the computer/washing machine repair expertise like you but I totally get what an all encompassing job it is to be mom to many. Thanks for putting a smile on my face after a long day! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This is hilarious! I’m so glad you took the time to write out what stay-at-home moms do. We sure do a lot!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s so true. Often overlooked and taken for granted… I figure, maybe on paper (or online, as it may be), people (ie mostly husbands) will get the point! And at the least, other moms can relate.

      Liked by 1 person

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