I had the honor to guest blog for the delightful Deborah from “The Monster in your Closet…is quite friendly actually” in her “Prescribing Joy” series. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to write on your blog, Deborah!
Archive for August, 2016
Excuse me? Huh? What? Are you serious? Do my ears deceive me? How do you figure? Did you really just say that? The questions raced through my brain. Unfortunately, our conversation was abruptly interrupted (betcha can’t guess how) and I didn’t get a chance to ask the veteran mom-of-twins any of these questions before we had to leave.
Right after my babes were born, I asked a fellow mom-of-twins, whose boys were nine years old, if she had any wisdom or advice for me. She bluntly told me that she didn’t remember anything from the first two years due to the stress, lack of sleep, and chaos that having two babies at one time brings. She was the first of many mom-of-twins to tell me that the first two years are a blur.
I wondered if the veteran mom who made the title comment had contracted the ever-so-prevalent fugue state illness, known as “Mommy Brain.” Earlier in our conversation, she mentioned that her twins were in kindergarten. I’ve heard that by this age twins “entertain themselves,” (although moms have to be more vigilant of competitiveness and more attentive to conflict intervention / resolution). Maybe over the past three years she, too had forgotten the first few years. Or maybe she just had easy babies. Or Maybe she’s just a better mom than me. Or maybe she finds it easier because she doesn’t have Bipolar disorder. So many maybes…
I’ve been a mom to a “singleton.” It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t that she was disobedient or misbehaved, or out of hand. Being a mom is a lot of work. (You’ve read the Mommy Resume!) As I’ve written before, “here’s my equation: Double that (2 year old twins) + 8-year-old daughter + marital challenges + financial difficulties + changing environment (baby Asher leaving, 7-year old Hope becoming like a 4th child to me) + Bipolar disorder & anxiety issues = “’God I need your help’”
So the veteran mom is a SuperMom for sure, as are many of my other friends and acquaintances who have multiples or multiple children. Just because I’m not as confident or centered doesn’t mean I’m not a SuperMommy too! And here’s why:
Because God helps me get through day by day, minute by minute. Regardless of whether they are taking turns napping, throwing food across the table at one another, having meltdowns, or pulling their diapers off and running away from me. I have the patience to deal with whatever comes my way, simply because God works through me daily and I feel privileged to have the above equation.
God gave me a lot of responsibilities because he wanted to show himself through me. He wants to be glorified in me. If I had had a singleton instead of twins, then maybe I wouldn’t have felt the need to lean on Him so much. And with this great responsibility comes great joy.
And if anyone ever tells you that “Twins are So Much Easier Than a Singleton,” you have my permission to tell them that it has been scientifically proven that that simply is not true! (You have the archives of my blog as evidence to back it up.)
Double Talk Quote: Me to Bella, who was throwing a fit “What’s the big problem here?” “Dada!” (I still don’t know the details but he did something to make her raging mad!)
Bible Verse: “…From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Luke 12:48
Word that had Lost its meaning (there for a minute): confidence
Relatable Lyrics: My own personal lyrics to DJ Khaled’s “All I Do Is Win”
All I Do is Twin!
All I do is twin twin twin no matter what
Got laundry on my mind I can never get it done
And every time I step up in the buildin’
Everybody hands go up
And they stay there
And they say yeah
And they stay there
Up down, up down, up down
‘Cause all I do is twin twin twin
And if you goin’ in put your hands in the air
Make ’em stay there
I never go no where
But they saying Mommy’s back…
My hands go up and down like babies’ booty’s go…
Y’all better count me in
Got empty bank accounts, accountants count me zip…
Cause all I do, all I, all I, all I
All I do is…Twin!
For the past few months, I’ve been vigorously working on my husband’s immigration case. It involved a lot of writing, office type work, obtaining and making copies of records, and gathering information. None of it was easy. But the hardest thing for me was asking for what’s known as “Letters of Support,” which basically vouch that Amor is a good, decent person and upstanding member of society. I have social anxiety (along with Bipolar Disorder) and for so long, Amor and I have kept his immigration status hush-hush. Now, however, we had to come out of the shadows (so to speak) and admit the truth to friends and family that (gasp & shame, shame!) my husband entered this country illegally. He was 16 years old when his brothers first brought him here and he has built his entire adult life in the US.
It was stressful and nerve-wracking for me to announce this and ask for help. But it had to be done, as part of the petition process. So, I wrote down a list of 25 names of friends, family, and acquaintances. It was scary to me to think of contacting these people without knowing their political stance or possible prejudices regarding this touchy issue. But I took several deep breaths, and said a few prayers and started contacting.
The response I received was shocking. Our community of friends and family were more than willing to help us file by writing for us. In all, I collected 20 notarized letters! I saw how kind and generous these people were to take time out of their own hectic lives to invest in ours. They had to actually sit down and think about me, Amor and our kids, construct the letter, then go get it notarized. A few of these people, I know had physical health issues. One had a newborn baby. Another person is a dear friend whom we haven’t physically seen in over a decade, but we’ve kept in touch via social media. Yet another had problems getting the statement notarized because her identification was expired but she made it happen! Each person went out of their way to help us.
I read each letter as they trickled in. Each one with optimistic affirmations about us and our family. After gathering them all, I sat down and re-read them. It wasn’t just the quantity that astounded me, but the quality as well. These people wrote from their hearts. I know we are in their prayers. Tears of gratitude trickled down my face.
Our case has since been put on hold, for now, anyway. But we have our paperwork ready at a moment’s notice. Now, whenever our attorney says to submit, we will be ready and able to move forward. Thank you, so much for those of you who helped us. We love and appreciate you all.
(July 2016, Twins 2, Mica 8, Hope 7)
Double Talk Quote: Amor – “I’m too smart for that show” (Ruff Ruff, Tweet and Dave). Me – “That’s why I watch Curious George.”
Bible Verse: “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4
Term that has Earned its meaning: true friendship
Relatable Lyrics: Lean On Me by Bill Withers
“If there is a load you have to bear, that you can’t carry, I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load if you just call me, if you need a friend…We all need somebody to lean on.”