Keeping a marriage strong is hard work. Add cultural differences and it’s really hard. Multiply that with a kid and it’s really, really hard. Add twins and, well, you can imagine. It is exponentially hard when mental illness is thrown in the equation. Amor and I have had our share of difficulties over the years, but nothing like after the birth of our twins.
All of our children have an amazing anointing over their lives. I believe that all children are born with a specific purpose and plan (Jeremiah 29:11) but that not all great things come to fruition in one’s life because Satan meddles and gets lives off track. God can turn all that around of course and use what Satan had twisted for evil and use it for good (Romans 8:28). But one can avoid so much pain and confusion and time by following God in the first place. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). This is the goal for my children. They are going to be “Earthquakers” and shake things up here on earth for the glory of God.
In our lives, Satan has been trying to meddle; trying to annihilate what he knows is trouble for his attempts to kill, steal, and destroy. One way he’s been trying to get at our little anointed ones is by attacking our marriage. I am married to a very brilliant man who is very smart and talented in many diverse areas. Being a stay-at-home dad, however, is not his forte. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was unable to take care of Mica and Hope the way I had before. Amor (who lost his job when he asked for time off) had to take over. Due to cultural differences, and the fact that he’s never been responsible for this area of our lives made the transition difficult for us all. Structure, discipline and consistency are not traits he grew up with or puts much emphasis on.
The babies were born in the summer. By the time school started for Mica, we had very different ideas of how to handle parenting issues. We also disagreed about the best way to handle various baby issues. His point of view was that, Biblically speaking, he is the head of the household and I should submit to him. My point of view was that this is my area of expertise. I have practical experience. I have a degree in this. I have studied Child Psychology and Behavioral Psychology. I have read numerous books and countless articles on parenting. I talk to other parents and pay attention to how those I admire handle situations. I watch “Super Nanny.” In the past, his job was to be the breadwinner. My job was to raise our daughter and be CEO of our home. He had no idea what my job entailed.
Amor quickly became overloaded and overwhelmed. Satan attacked his mind: Instead of looking for solutions, he decided the best thing to do was to relieve stress with alcohol, but he knew that I would never go for that. We’ve been down that destructive road before. He became resentful of me and hostile towards me. He theorized that alcohol should be his “medication.” After all, I take medication. What’s the difference?
I quickly became terrified and defensive. Satan attacked my mind: What if he leaves me alone with three kids? What if he leaves me and tries to take our kids? Could he claim I’m an unfit mother for taking medication (and being “on drugs”)? Could he claim I’m an unfit mother for not being medicated (and being “crazy”)?
The “D” word had never come up before in our 9 years of marriage. It was excruciating to consider.
We were at each other’s throats for weeks, both aggravated and unwilling to concede. I used to hide these kinds of issues, out of fear, embarrassment, or privacy, but the truth is, I realized that we needed help. I told everyone, “Hey, Satan is attacking my marriage, please pray!” We eventually went to see my Christian counselor who delicately explained what God says about all of these issues.
The next day, I noticed an attitude change. He was purposefully trying to be nice. I returned the gesture. Things have gotten better. Godly advice and the power of prayer have definitely improved our relationship. It’s still a struggle, though and no doubt we will always have to fight to keep what we have alive and well. Prayers are encouraged and appreciated.
Double Talk Story: Amor kept “messing” with me before the mandated postpartum 6 weeks had passed, despite me telling him countless times to leave me alone. Finally, aggravated and exasperated I grabbed my pen, pinned him down, and wrote “Do not mess with Corazón!” on his right hand. The girls saw this and, thinking it was funny, started chasing him down and coloring him with markers.
Bible Verses: Matthew 7:24-27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
Word that has Lost its meaning: Privacy
Relatable Lyrics: “Two Sets of Jones’” by Big Tent Revival – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQE5PNRLZ40&list=LLmekDNA5dH80KEriIgwZLZQ&index=17
Written – Started: September 10, 2014 (10 weeks old) – Completed: September 30, 2014 (3 months)