Posts tagged ‘hope’

Stuck in Molasses Swamp

20170718_Candy Land Spread Out

I’ve been in a stuck in a swamp of major Bipolar depression for nearly three months now.  When I first felt myself falling in, I reached out to my counselor, with whom I had fallen out of contact.  I patiently awaited my psychiatrist appointment, which wasn’t until in mid-July.  My counselor didn’t want me to wait until then, however, suggesting that I “get evaluated” at a mental health institution.  That was NOT going to happen.  I have a “fear of commitment,” especially considering what happened the last time I was there.  Anyway, I saw my Psychiatrist a few days ago and she adjusted my medication quite a bit.  Of course, it’s too early to have taken effect but I am hopeful.

Everyone has ups and downs in their lives.  It is just so much more extreme for people with Bipolar disorder.  But God promises to be there every step of the way, even when our burden gets too heavy for us to bear.  Of all the symptoms a depressed person experiences, “hopelessness” has not been one of them for me.  Hope is the one thing I have been able to hold on to, to get me through this valley.  It’s a “Footprints” in the sand sort of situation:

Footprints in the Sand

If you’re unfamiliar with this poem, it’s worth the read!

 

The twins’ birthday was at the end of June, I now have two threes!

20170701_Birthday Blowout - Brooks

Though they bring me lots of joy, they are about three handfuls nowadays, stretching borders and testing limits.  I have implemented a “Stop Light” behavioral system.  Each morning they start out on green and if they stay on green they get a reward at the end of the day.  But if they misbehave, they get a warning and move to yellow, then red, then it’s Time Out.  If their behavior improves, they can move back down the color chart.  Bella often ends the day on green, but Brooks (my rough-&-tumble, all-boy, mischief maker) is usually up at the top on red.

20170718_Stop light Chart - Right thing to do

But the other night, they both ended their day on green and as a reward, I offered to play a special game with them.  I pulled out “Candy Land” and explained how to play.  They were so excited at first, but Brooks quickly became bored with the board game (pun intended) and wandered off to play something else on his own.  Bella and I continued and she got “Queen Frostine” rather quickly, which put her way ahead of me, which made me happy because I wanted her to win the game her first time playing.  But then I drew “Princess Lolly,” then got double blues which put me ahead of her.  She was cool about it, though.  As we both approached “Gloppy at Molasses Swamp” I warned her, jokingly, “Now don’t draw a red, don’t draw a red card, if you do, you’ll get stuck until you get another red card!”  The tension built as we both got closer and closer to the red game piece with the black dot on it, when low and behold, she got a purple, just past the red.  And low and behold, I drew a red and got stuck in “Molasses Swamp.”

20170718_Molasses swamp

As Bella got closer and closer to the end of the game, and I kept drawing cards that weren’t red, she started to get visibly concerned.  Finally, when she was just two colors away from winning, she took her pawn’s hand and used it to grab my pawn’s hand and pulled mine up with hers.  “I saved you, mommy, Now we both winneded!” she exclaimed as she put both pieces on “Candy Castle.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried my best not to cry.  Little moments like that do save me.  In those moments no one loses.  And even the smallest of victories count.  We can’t always save ourselves but God can use others to pull us out of the swamp.

(Mica 9, Hope 8, Brooks & Bella 3, Asher 2, Audrey 5 mo)

Double Talk Quote: “Oh my gosh, I never seen that in the world!” – Brooks 6/17 (in awe at Mica’s super-long Chinese noodle)

Bible Verse: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Word that has Lost its Meaning:  stuck

Relatable Lyrics:  “Quiet you with my Love” By Rebecca St. James

“Come to Me, all who are weary
And take My yoke upon you
My burden is easy and light

Lay your head down on My shoulders
Be still my child, rest a while

And I’ll quiet you with My love
Rejoice over you with My song”

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Believing for the Best in You

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Dear Husband,  

When you’re struggling, when you need a friend, when you are at an impasse and don’t know what to do;

When we can’t seem to come to an agreement, when I don’t understand your point of view, and you can’t see mine;

I don’t stop caring.  I’m believing in something.  I’m believing for the best in you.

 

Dear Children,

When you make mistakes, when you behave inappropriately or do the wrong thing, even when I discipline you, even when you think I’m disappointed in you;

Believe me, I’m seeing something.  I’m seeing growth.  I’m believing for the best in you.

 

Dear Mother,

When you feel alone, when you feel run down, when you’re hesitant to change, yet ready to move forward; I’ll be your cheerleader.  I’ll be your backup.  I’m believing for the best in you.  

 

Dear Sisters,

When we’re far apart, When we feel like we can’t relate, I have faith in our relationships; I’ll never doubt us.  I’m believing for the best in you.

 

Dear Brothers,

When we’re disconnected, when we have failures to communicate or forgive or see eye-to-eye, it’s okay, we’ll make it through; I’ll never stop having hope for reconciliation.   If you get weary, I’ll keep the faith for you.  I’m believing for the best in you.

 

Dear Friend,

When your life seems to be falling apart around you; When you feel like you have let me down; When I try to help but I’m not sure my efforts do any good; I won’t stop trying.  I’m believing for the best in you.

 

Dear Stranger,

When you need a helping hand; when a handout is not what you need, but a hand up, I won’t look down on you.  I won’t judge you for your past.  I won’t make assumptions about your situation.  I’m believing for the best in you.

 

Dear Self,

When I start dwelling over failures, when I judge myself by my past mistakes, I will stop.  I will forgive.  I will do better.  I will look at you the way God does.  He’s believing for the best in you.  

 

Double Talk Quote: two days before summer camp, Me to Mica: “So…Are you excited?”  Mica (enthusiastically):  “Um-hum!” (pause) “About what?”  (I guess she’s just excited in general!)


Bible Verse:  “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17


Word that has Lost its meaning: disbelief


Relatable Lyrics:  Believing For The Best In You by Stormie Omartian

“After all I’ve said to try and change your mind,

Are you still gonna doubt my words?

You can tell me your failures and point out your flaws – I don’t hear you…

…I’m believing for the best in you.”

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