Manic Mom

SuperBella!

I’ve been pretty manic lately and it seems like the creativity just pours out of my mouth or fingertips. Ideas barely have time to form before I get a chance to respond to them. I looked up postpartum mania but I didn’t find much. Most articles are about postpartum depression and/or psychosis. Is mania really that rare? If not, why isn’t anyone talking about it?

Every morning I wake up feeling like supermommy. Every night as I’m drifting off into Ambien-induced oblivion, I feel beat down. The feeling of grandeur replaced by self proclaimed shame and inadequacy. I’m not depressed, however, just irritated; Irritated that I can’t be perfect.

Writing has been therapeutic for me. Sometimes I talk and talk. It’s obvious that people can hear me but they are not listening. Writing, even when it goes unread, has been the only way I’ve found to release that aggravated ecstasy I feel within. Mania feels so good to me. Apparently it doesn’t feel so good to those around me. Also, I’ve been manic enough in the past to know that what goes up must come down. I cannot be depressed with three kids. History has taught me that I can’t even be depressed with one kid and get away with it.

My counselor recommended (and Amor demanded) that I go see my psychiatrist. She put me on a combo of meds that have worked for me in the past. All they did this time, however, was dry up my once-ever-so-abundant milk supply. I stopped taking them. Want to see me depressed? Yeah, take away my ability to feed my children! As the wise old turtle, Ooguay, from Kung Fu Panda says, “One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.” Please Lord, destine me for joy, not depression!

Double Talk Quote: “I need to use the restroom. I’m going to the attic.” – Amor

Relatable Lyrics: “I’m no Superman” by Lazlo Bane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQjFHxJ9IKs

Verse: “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

Word that has Lost its meaning
: Coincidence (God ordains everything)

August 25, 2014 (8 weeks old)
SuperKids!

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Comments on: "Manic Mom" (11)

  1. I did find this blog which helped me a lot! http://proudlybipolar.wordpress.com/

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    • I believe and claim that God will destine us for joy, not depression . “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww – thank you for posting the link to my blog! I wish I had the magic piece of advice for you, honey! Have you spoken with your psychiatrist again about trying other meds? (I HATE writing that, but I have to ask!)

    When I was still in the postpartum mania phase I used Ambien to sleep, and then I spoke with Dr. Alice Weaver Flaherty, the doctor who wrote “The Midnight Disease” and also experienced postpartum hypergraphia like us. She told me that Zyprexa worked for her, and so I asked for that from my former psychiatrist. At that point I had to switch to bottle feeding after breastfeeding for 2+ years. It helped subdue the acute mania, but then I went into depression anyway. (You may know some or all of this already, forgive me!)

    Then I did the whole “try this med, and that med, and this med, and that med” path for years…on and on and it was hell. During that time, my Dad (my best friend apart from my husband) died, which I had been dreading my whole life. He also had bipolar. I asked to go to the hospital, I missed his funeral, and I asked for ECT as I was suicidal & since I couldn’t find the right meds, I was desperate Thank God the ECT worked for me to pull me out of that pit

    Please keep us posted on what happens with you. You are absolutely right in that there’s next-to-nothing about postpartum mania on the internet, etc. and it sucks. Or postpartum hypergraphia for that matter, right? I’m writing about it all in blog and in my book for anyone who does go through these things, like us! I felt like a total freak since 2007 for having it. No one understood and knew what was going on with me (medical professionals of all kinds) for far too long. Most of them are still very ignorant, although they now are aware of the other postpartum mood disorders like PPD, and postpartum psychosis, but they need to know about every postpartum mood disorder. There’s no excuse for ignorance! 😉

    Hang in there! I think you are truly amazing and insightful – it’s incredible.
    XOXOXO
    Dyane

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “You’re Just Like Me!” (http://proudlybipolar.wordpress.com/2014/09/03/youre-just-like-me-dyane/) My dad, with whom I was very close, also died from bipolar disorder (yes, I believe that the illness itself can be fatal!) and it caused me to spiral and eventually crash as well. I’m sorry you missed the funeral. That probably hurt you in terms of closure – if the definition of that term even exists.

    I did contact my psychiatrist who gave me some options to try. A few days ago I started Seroquel, which makes me groggy and I haven’t needed Ambien.

    I can’t wait for the book so keep on writing! I want a signed copy please!

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  4. Thanks for providing the link! 🙂
    I’m so sorry about your Dad – you understand what it’s like so much. I agree with bipolar disorder can ultimately (or quickly) cause one’s death. At least my Mom splurged on a recording of his service for me, but it obviously wasn’t the same. 😦

    You may be the only person who reads my book besides me and my puppy (well, I’ll read it TO her!), but girl, that signed copy is YOURS.

    I’ve been taking Seroquel since last December, and that powerful stuff works!!! I was at 100 mg/night, which was a total lifesaver since it helped my agitated insomnia big-time. The drawback was that I was groggy the next day.

    Last month I tapered to 50 mg/ night and the grogginess is so much better. So I’m staying put at 50 mg for the time being.

    How is the Seroquel treating you? I hope so far, so good!!!!
    have a good day, you Super Mommy!
    XOXO,
    Dy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope Amor didn’t use the bathroom in the attic – signed, the Homeowner…

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  6. […] disorder (and desperation) ensued! It was stressful and comical all at the same time. I was mostly manic after the birth of the twins (perhaps with a touch of Hypergraphia) and just had to document it all […]

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  7. […] per the rules of this award, I will briefly mention how my blog got started:  I was manic with a touch of Hypergraphia.  I was just weeks postpartum from having twins and I needed, I mean […]

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