SuperMom Mentality

I was having a hard day.  I was so tired.  It seemed like everything was going wrong.  I had switched medications.  Being a mom with Bipolar Disorder is always a challenging battle.  I had a dark thought.  I just wanted this to be over.  I immediately rejected the thought as an attack from the devil and irrational depressive thinking.  I told Amor to watch the kids and went to bed early.  Tomorrow would be better.

The next day was a Monday.  My oldest daughter, Mica was off of school due to a teacher’s workday and I needed to obtain passports for me and my three children.  There was a passport office at the mall, so I pack up the whole family and off we went.  It was raining outside.  Unfortunately, the office was closed.  I was so disappointed and irritated.  The process seemed complicated and we kept running into obstacles.  Frustrated, I told Amor I was ready to leave, but he insisted we walk around for a while, since we were there anyway.  So he took the twins in their stroller.  Mica and I wondered off to do our own thing.  We looked at some jewelry and tried on some shoes, and found an inexpensive Christmas gift for Aunt Starla.  All that took about 20 minutes.

The rest of our 2 hour excursion was spent riding the escalators.  Mica has always enjoyed doing that. The mall was basically empty at that time so I let her tread up the downward steps and try to get down the upward ones.  She was so enthused and entertained by such a simple thing.  We stopped to throw a penny in the fountain and make a wish / say a prayer.  After a while, Amor called and was ready to meet up to go back home.  By that time we were back on the third floor so we had two more flights of escalator stairs to traverse.  I was patient enough down the ride to the second floor.  By the time I arrive to the first, however, my patience was wearing thin.  I looked up and there she was, still at the top and continuing to climb up as the escalator floated downward.

I resisted the urge to rush her.  Instead, I stopped.  Instead, I watched.  I watched my beautiful little 7-year old girl play.  After a few minutes, she turn around and sat right down on the escalator and innocently cupped her chin in her hands.  She smiled as she descended in her fancy green dress, her rainbow colored hair bow and sparkly shoes.  The lyrics to the song played, “Hey now, hey now, don’t dream it’s over”.  The Holy Spirit gently reminded me how precious life is.  It is a memory I hope to hold forever in my heart.   These are the moments I cherish.  These are the moments I look forward to.  These are the moments I live for.

(written October 30, 2015, Twins 16 months, Mica 7)

Double Talk Quote: “I dropped my kitchen in my ketchup”  – Mica (meant to say chicken)

Bible Verse: “And I commend joy, for man has nothing better under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 8:15

Term that has Lost its meaning:  come here! (seems like all the kids run the opposite way when they hear this!)

Relatable Lyrics:  “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House

“Now I’m walking again to the beat of a drum
And I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart

Hey now, Hey now, Don’t dream it’s over
Hey now, Hey now, When the world comes in
They come, they come, To build a wall between us
You know they won’t win”