leggings

I’ve decided that as a good, clean, pious, woman of high moral fortitude, I will never wear leggings, as they may entice men, particularly my husband, to think lustful thoughts about me.
In the same spirit, I have disposed of all my lipstick and mascara in an effort to not draw attention to my lip and eye regions, as I have been told, in the past that I have nice nice eyes and sexy lips. Actually, I am currently looking for a great online website that sells burqas (full face veils) at a decent price.

I am fully aware that wearing jeans is out too, since the style is to wear them skinny and therefore since they are the same style as leggings, they may make my legs look like they are the shape of legs, therefore making men think of legs, and therefore automatically they will, for sure, think of sex. Jeans that are not shaped like legs are automatically associated with sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll and I don’t want to be associated with such hippie nonsense.
Skirts are a no-no. A man might tie a mirror to his shoe to see what’s up under there and since I no longer wear leggings, he might get an eye-full!

I know some men have feet fetishes so flip-flops are out, just in case I run across a man with such sexual proclivities. I would hate to think my toes may be a stumbling block to anyone with this sexual affliction.

On the same note, I was thinking, since hands are often used during the very act of sex itself that I should wear gloves too, lest a man see them and have immoral imaginations. However, gloves cling to hands and in essence do for fingers what leggings do for legs. Therefore, I think going with mittens would be a wiser, more modest approach.

Many men think long hair is sexy. Then again, others think short hair is sexier, so I will start braiding my hair in pigtails to make sure I look like Laura Ingalls from “Little House on the Prairie.” But don’t be alarmed, I will still cover my head so that potential pedophiles won’t be tempted either.

Even though leggings would be the most convenient, affordable and comfortable clothing I could possibly wear, seeing as I recently gave birth to twins and gained 768 lbs during my pregnancy and going out and purchasing a new wardrobe every time I lose a few pounds is not feasible, I refuse to wear them.

So here’s the conundrum: what to wear. Earlier in this article I mentioned looking for inexpensive veils. You see, I tried cutting out the netting from one of Bella’s dresses and wrapping it around my head, but the tulle was white and my eyes are green so they weren’t very well hidden. To cover my body, I thought about cutting some holes in a sheet but that’s what the puritans used to do when they would have sex on their wedding nights. Perhaps I can visit a few thrift stores in search of a few gently used choir robes and that should solve all my problems. In the meantime, I had the idea to disassemble my sister Sarah’s goldfish catching net and sew it to the hooded portion of my Snuggie.

Surely will this not only ward off any tempting thoughts by the men I come across, this will definitely benefit me, especially when I visit the beach or my local water park. Normally, when I’m wearing a bikini, I have to apply sunblock on an hourly basis, since my fair skin burns easily. Now, I won’t have to worry about that anymore.

It is not at all insulting to men in general to imply that it is impossible for them to control their own thoughts. It is also simply not possible that our society may present and promote sex in a way that encourages men to think perverse thoughts. I will make sure that I never go to Africa because I’m sure all those men down there are thinking dirty, filthy thoughts about the topless African women who walk around their un-airconditioned huts feeding their babies from their naked breasts.

Finally, there is surely nothing more important that I should be doing right now, so it’s good that I took the time to write about this very serious issue.

 

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Comments on: "Why I Choose To No Longer Wear Leggings" (15)

  1. Good thoughts, served with a good dose of humor. This made me laugh! Have a lovely day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bahahah didn’t see the picture the 1st time reading this.

    Like

  3. I literally LOLed at the “finger legging” part!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 768lbs? It was only like 600lbs.
    Bahaha! I laughed at that part the most!
    Wonderful post. The exact points I’ve been trying to make about this issue–control your thoughts, control your eyes. On that note, there are things that people (yes, men AND women) can do to help each other, for example, women not wear thongs as swimwear and men not wear speados, but, ultimately, it’s up to the person who is looking to…. Ready for this?……. Not look.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I never knew you felt this way! 😉 As you know, I did literally laugh out loud several times whilst reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I ALWAYS look forward to reading your blogs ^.^

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I do not wear leggings for almost the same reason yet somewhat reversed. I do not want to see ME in leggings because it could be construed as just plain visually offensive!!!

    I love your posts! Truth and humor mixed to get the message across. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Good you won’t be leading anyone into sin.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You should be OK if we are taken over by Muslims. At least that is a comfort, right?

    Like

  10. […] that the tube top might be indecent for church, because for pants, of course, I was going to wear leggings. But then again, the large tank top was so loose that my cleavage would show.  So, I wore both; […]

    Like

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