“So what do you feel is your purpose in life?” ask my small group leader. I was timid to answer. It was March, 2011 and this was one of the first groups I’d ever had and I didn’t feel very comfortable opening up.
Unsure of how I might be perceived and feeling a bit embarrassed to be unemployed, I answered, “Right now, I feel like my main mission is to raise this little one up right.” I felt the anointing. Mica was not quite 3 years old. I had no idea if I had plans for more children of my own in the future.
Just the year before I had obtained teaching qualifications in my state to become an ESOL instructor (teaching English) . I had also applied for over 30 other jobs, all of which I was qualified. I have two degrees, but have never officially worked in a paid position within the fields of my studies. Bipolar disorder had interrupted my life significantly, leaving holes in my work history that made it hard for me to explain away on a resume. With the disease under control in 2010, I had determined to become gainfully employed.
But then Christmas happened. My father overdosed and died.
I tried keep it together, for Mica’s sake. My in-laws also had some issues around this time, and my sister-in-law and her 3 kids moved in with us within weeks of his passing.
I had stopped looking for a job. My grief was often left unsatisfied, postponed, and unattended, as children filled my room, life and heart. They were a handful but a beautiful distraction from the open wound my dad’s passing had created. My sister, who had been planning her wedding for a year would be walking down the isle with our mom by her side later that very month.
A lot of destabilization and disaster followed. A lot of turmoil, a lot of tests, all leading to testimonies.
Little did I know, as I answered that question, that motherhood, not a traditional career, was and would become even more, my main mission. If I never see anything, despite all my efforts, to change this world, to make it a better place, to bring people to God, I know I have made a difference. Because I am raising a future generation, instilling values that are time-tested and true. I am making Christ-followers right here in my own home. I am bringing up little earth-quakers. They are my legacy.
(July 21, 2015 – Twins 12 months, Mica 7, Hope 6)
Double Talk Quote: “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” – June Cleaver
Word that has Lost its meaning: lost
Relatable Lyrics: Stuck In A Moment by U2
Bible Verse: Romans 12:12