Ode to Mania

 

 

Mania, dear, sweet mania, oh how I hath loved thee.  You give me passion, a spark, a zeal for life that’s lacking when you’re not around.  Together, we’ve accomplished so much.  Sure we’ve gotten into quite a bit of trouble.  Yes, we’ve angered and alienated a lot of people.  But still, I love you dearly and I hate when we’re apart.  When you’re not around, I miss the euphoric energy you emanate that allows me to do almost anything.  I miss the grandiose feeling that I have superpowers and can juggle anything that life throws my way.  I miss being me to the 100th power.  I miss having the strength it takes to go days without sleep and not missing a beat; when the concept of time is meaningless.  I miss the floods of creativity you immerse me in, that drown out all the other non-essential, mundane dryness of this world.  I hate the Abilify, Ambien, and Alprazolam that suppress you and weaken your illustrious powers.  I loathe the Lamictal, Seroquel, and Wellbutrin that drive away that aggravated ecstasy that invigorates me to feel so free.  The selfish me wants to flush them all away.  But I can’t.  Alas, dear Mania, we cannot be together, not like before.  Even flirting with you is dangerous.  I know you’ll cause me to fly.  I know I can see the world, I can see the entire universe with you.  But you have to understand, I have responsibilities now.  Responsibilities that I can’t just throw out the window whenever you come around to please me.  I have to stay grounded.  I must remain stable.  Because I know each time we fly together, regardless of how intoxicating the ride, I always, always crash and burn.  You leave me alone in desolated isolation, vulnerable for depression to come and devour my soul.  I can’t afford your thrilling heart breaks anymore.  My sanity depends on it.  So I have to bid you adieu.  Farewell, my bitter-sweet, fair-weather companion.  I did love you.  But now; now I love myself more.

(Written February 2016)

Double Talk Quote: “Mommy, I like me!”  – Bella, “I like you too, baby!” – me

Bible Verse:  “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Word that has Lost its meaning: Superpowers

Relatable Lyrics: Coldplay ft. Beyonce – Hymn For The Weekend

“…You know you make my world light up
When I was down, when I was hurt
You came to lift me up…

…Put your wings on me, wings on me
When I was so heavy…

…Then we’ll shoot across the sky…”

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Comments on: "Ode to Mania" (11)

  1. You are amazing & it takes a whole lot of strength and self control from the Holy Spirit in you to fight flirting with mania. I cannot even imagine. I love how determined you are to find the right balance for you. I hope & pray that God will let you feel more like you even though you are on all of those medications & for Him to fill you with joy, energy, hope, life & His super powers! Cannot wait for your heavenly healing but am so proud of you for making the best of every struggle & turning it around as a testimony and to be used for God’s glory! You go super mommy!!!!! ❤ You'reeeee GREAT!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It does take supernatural power and you’re right, I don’t fight it alone. I can’t. How could I? The Holy Spirit is working in me and through me. Angels intercede on my behalf. Without God on my side, where would I be? I don’t want to venture a guess.

      Thanks, always, for your continued prayers, SuperStar!

      Like

  2. A description of mania with such clarity and force. Brilliant! Especially loved “can’t afford your thrilling heart breaks anymore”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ah, how I relate….but how I wish I didn’t, my dear & beautiful SuperMommy!!!!

    I wish we could all retain our “Bella-ness” as we get older and keep on liking ourselves; in a 100% ideal world these selves would be pure, untouched by the agonies of mania or depression.

    Incredibly written!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that there are people, like you, in the blogosphere that can actually relate when I’m surrounded in life by people who just don’t understand. On the other hand, for YOUR sake, I really wish you DIDN’T relate to such agonies. True: in an ideal world, no one would be so afflicted.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is incredible. As are you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That transitioned quickly and wasn’t what I was expecting! Topic wise! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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