Ode to Mania
Mania, dear, sweet mania, oh how I hath loved thee. You give me passion, a spark, a zeal for life that’s lacking when you’re not around. Together, we’ve accomplished so much. Sure we’ve gotten into quite a bit of trouble. Yes, we’ve angered and alienated a lot of people. But still, I love you dearly and I hate when we’re apart. When you’re not around, I miss the euphoric energy you emanate that allows me to do almost anything. I miss the grandiose feeling that I have superpowers and can juggle anything that life throws my way. I miss being me to the 100th power. I miss having the strength it takes to go days without sleep and not missing a beat; when the concept of time is meaningless. I miss the floods of creativity you immerse me in, that drown out all the other non-essential, mundane dryness of this world. I hate the Abilify, Ambien, and Alprazolam that suppress you and weaken your illustrious powers. I loathe the Lamictal, Seroquel, and Wellbutrin that drive away that aggravated ecstasy that invigorates me to feel so free. The selfish me wants to flush them all away. But I can’t. Alas, dear Mania, we cannot be together, not like before. Even flirting with you is dangerous. I know you’ll cause me to fly. I know I can see the world, I can see the entire universe with you. But you have to understand, I have responsibilities now. Responsibilities that I can’t just throw out the window whenever you come around to please me. I have to stay grounded. I must remain stable. Because I know each time we fly together, regardless of how intoxicating the ride, I always, always crash and burn. You leave me alone in desolated isolation, vulnerable for depression to come and devour my soul. I can’t afford your thrilling heart breaks anymore. My sanity depends on it. So I have to bid you adieu. Farewell, my bitter-sweet, fair-weather companion. I did love you. But now; now I love myself more.
(Written February 2016)
Double Talk Quote: “Mommy, I like me!” – Bella, “I like you too, baby!” – me
Bible Verse: “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Word that has Lost its meaning: Superpowers
Relatable Lyrics: Coldplay ft. Beyonce – Hymn For The Weekend
“…You know you make my world light up
When I was down, when I was hurt
You came to lift me up…
…Put your wings on me, wings on me
When I was so heavy…
…Then we’ll shoot across the sky…”
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