Think: "You think you can, You think you can, You think you can" & one day say: "You thought you could, You said you could, You knew you could" & thus, at least: you thought you did.

Posts tagged ‘weight’

“Psst… Are You Pregnant Again?”

I just got back from a BIG family vacation to Disney World a few weeks ago.  It was a crazy, awesome time!  But more on that at a later date.

All at Disney - Majic Kingdom

Me and the Crew at Magic Kingdom, Disney World!

 

Yesterday was Sunday.  I would like to take a moment to focus on a little question that was made to me yesterday.  I was volunteering at my church, like I usually do, teaching in the 3-5-year-olds’ class.  It was near the end of the service when an associate of mine approached me and engaged me in a short conversation.  After exchanging pleasantries, we chatted briefly about our children.  As I was returning to my room to finish up, she whispered down the hall, “Psst…Are you Pregnant Again?”

How should I feel?  Should I be shocked, dismayed, angry, annoyed, criticized, self-conscious, disgraced, scored and/or maybe embarrassed?  Doesn’t everyone know not to ask that question unless they are absolutely sure that the answer is “yes”?  Am I so big that I look pregnant?

“No, I’m done with all that,” was my simple reply and off I ran, back to my classroom.

Now, just before Christmas, with the approval of my doctor, I had slowly decreased a few of my medications and even cut one out altogether.  I did have some difficulties with the transition, including some moderate depression and fluctuating moods.  One pleasant side-effect (for me anyway) was that I lost a few pounds, without even trying (my dear husband likes me on the bigger side, however, so he wasn’t as thrilled with the change)!  The weight-loss wasn’t significant and my weight tends to fluctuate anyway, so it wasn’t a very big deal.  I really didn’t think anyone even noticed except for me and my husband.

A couple of weeks before we left to go on the vacation, I knew I needed to pull myself together so I’d be stable for what turned out to be a very unstable trip.  So, again, with the doc’s permission, I upped my doses of mood-stabilizers.  And with that increase, I regained some of those previously lost pounds.  “No biggie,” I punned to myself.  After all, I’ve been eating healthy foods, drinking tons of water and getting plenty of exercise.  The only change has been with my meds.  Some medications just have weight gain as a side-effect and it’s really, really hard to beat.

This past week, my sister and her two-year-old son were in town visiting and my now 9-year-old daughter had her birthday party at our house.  We had a great time, but some things were left undone.  For example, in the morning, as I was getting ready for church, I realized that I hadn’t done my laundry in over a week!  Really the only clean, decent thing I had to wear was an extra large tank top or a tiny tube top.  I decided that the tube top might be indecent for church, because for pants, of course, I was going to wear leggings. But then again, the large tank top was so loose that my cleavage would show.  So, I wore both; the tube underneath to cover my boobage and the tank over it to cover the tube’s tightness.   I wasn’t worried about how big the shirt was, it was long enough to cover my bum, plus I was going to wear an accentuating sweater to tie the ensemble together anyway.

My thought process while actually getting ready was really not that sophisticated.  I mean, who am I there to impress?  God loves me no matter what.  And three, four, and five-year-olds don’t care what you wear.  So I went to church and did my service.  While singing and dancing with the kiddies, I got hot, so hot, in fact, that I took my sweater off. The only thing I felt slightly self-conscious about was the large scar I have on my back, part of which was partially exposed because my hair was up.  It was shortly after that, that the comment was made…

“Psst…Are you Pregnant Again?”

How should I feel?  Insulted.  I should feel insulted; throw that tank top away, go on a strict diet, starve myself, and quit taking my stupid medications that cause the stupid side-effect!

But the more I thought about it, the less insulted I felt.  I began to have a fresh perspective.  I decided not to accept it as an insult.  And here’s why:

  1. Someone thought I was enough of a Super Mommy to actually handle another kid, (especially another baby).
  2. I’m no spring chicken.  I’m not old but at age 35, the ob-gyn docs start considering you as a “high risk” patient.  I could take the comment as a compliment, even.  I look young enough to want to have more children!
  3. I’ve heard this same woman talk before.  I don’t think she tries to be mean or insulting.  I think she’s just insensitive.  And maybe she doesn’t even realize she’s saying something that others may find offensive.
  4. I really just don’t care that much about what other people think about me anymore.  Why should I let one comment bash my self-esteem when I know I’m trying my best?
  5. I don’t think I look pregnant.  Why should I care if one other person on this planet does?

20170308_Pretty Mommy 2

A very recent picture of my (not-pregnant) self!

 

So after this post, I’m going to “Let It Go;” like water off a duck’s back.

water off donald duck's back

 

Double Talk Quote: (And this is a coincidence…) “Mommy, can you give me some insults?” – Mica, after our first day at Disney World.  She was trying to say “insoles” for her shoes because her feet hurt from walking so much.

Bible Verse: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9

Word that has Lost its meaning: insulted

Relatable Lyrics:  “Let It Go” – Disney’s Frozen

“Let it go, let it go… I don’t care, what they’re going to say…”

Disney - Epcot - Me Mommy Belle at Epcot with the girls, Bella, Micaela, and Grace; Elsa and Anna

Me and my girls at Epcot

 

 

 

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Drum Roll Please, Uncategorized

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Weight Off My Mind

weight black and white selfie

One of the most pressing issues for many postpartum women is losing the baby weight.  Indeed, after the birth of my first daughter, it took me (at least) a full year to get back down to my “normal” size.  I had been careful about the weight I gained during my first pregnancy.  As a matter of fact, after an ultra-sound at 37 weeks when Mica was estimated to weigh only about 4 lbs., the doctor actually told me to go eat some donuts and ice cream.  I did and she was born at 41 week at a small but healthy 6lbs. 4 oz.

My weight issues date back to my childhood.  I, like many, was bombarded with images of what women were “supposed” to look like and I remember well hearing my mother and the church women gossip about how fat they felt (even though they were at a perfectly healthy size), how they were trying to fit in such & such a dress size and weight.  Children are well-know to be imitators.  I was going through a typical awkward / chubby phase (age 10-12) and my best friend and I used to mimic our mothers, “Oh you look fabulous!  Look at all this fat I have on me!”  Statements like that were a common theme throughout our play sessions, where we also would step on the scale and try on “the dress” (which, of course, I couldn’t get zipped).  My friend would say something reassuring like, “it’s just water weight” or “it’s because we just ate,” to try to console me.

But I didn’t feel better.  Even after going through an upward growth spurt around age 13, I still felt fat.  So I went on a strict diet.  By 14, I had become a vegetarian and ate like a bird.  (And “the dress” that I was once to fat for finally fit.)  The same family members who once worried I was too chubby were now concerned I had an eating disorder.  I maintained I was just being healthy.  Call it what you wish, but whatever it was, it wasn’t healthy for me, mentally.

The “I’m fat” mind-set followed me into adulthood.  I am 5’4 and never weighed over 125 lbs.  I was usually around 115 and every time I looked at myself in the mirror, all I could see were the flaws.  My husband tried to help me.  He encouraged me often, daily even, telling me I looked beautiful and that helped a little.  But after so many years of believing the enemy’s lies, it was just so hard for me to believe.

Satan had a stronghold on me in this area.  It wasn’t vanity exactly.  I often walked around with messy hair and no make-up in thrift store clothes.  But they had to be size 2, or I’d consider them my “fat day” clothes.  Maybe it was also due to years of photo-shopped media influence.  (I’ve read that the size of most Hollywood actresses fall into the 1st percentile of the general population of women’s sizes).

Anyway, during the first half of my second pregnancy, I felt like I was gaining too much weight.  My sister and I were both due within days of each other and indeed, family members confirmed that I was bigger.  (Not that I was trying to compare).  “I hear your belly shows sooner with subsequent pregnancies.  This is her first pregnancy,” I would try to reassure myself.

I’ve written recently about how I was depressed and in a bad place when I found out I was having twins (https://theearthquakers.wordpress.com/2015/06/18/i-see-two-heads/), and about how God relieved my burden that day.  He lifted the weight off my mind too.

After my appointment, we went out to eat to celebrate.  My husband started to gently lecture.  I stopped him.  I knew what I had to do.  I had to grow these two little babies as big as I could and carry them for as long as I could.  And I did.

I went 38 weeks & 6 days and gave birth to two healthy, beautiful twins weighing in at 6 lbs. 3 oz (Bella) & 6 lbs. 9 oz. (Brooks – bigger than singleton Mica)!  I never felt guilty about eating while I was pregnant.

Since having the babies a little over a year ago, I have focused on being a good mommy.  I (usually) eat healthy foods and keeping up with 4 kids counts as exercise!  But my weight has been the furthest thing from my mind.  I am so in awe at what my body did… no, in awe of what God did through the body I once saw as ugly.  And I see myself the way he sees me. I am beautiful now.

Double Double Talk Quote: 1:  “The book says my baby is the size of a grape!” – me looking in the mirror at my belly at only a few weeks pregnant.  2:  “Come on, you’ve eaten french fries sometime over the last 14 years!” – Jeff’s disbelief when I told him that.  “Nope” I said, as I popped one in my mouth.

Bible Verse: Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,a
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.

Word that has Lost its meaning:  diet (replace with “healthy eating”)

Relatable Lyrics:  “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk

9th Anniversary (before twins)

9th Anniversary (before twins)

10th Anniversary (Post-twins)

10th Anniversary (Post-twins)

Category:

Life With Twins, Uncategorized

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