Think: "You think you can, You think you can, You think you can" & one day say: "You thought you could, You said you could, You knew you could" & thus, at least: you thought you did.

Claiming Victory

20170524_Pink Lily

I made the drive home from church.  Making it there to serve in itself was a miracle.  I probably shouldn’t have driven home but it was the only place I wanted to be.  So I took some medicine and took deep breaths the whole way home.  See, in the parking lot as I was leaving, I felt a panic attack coming on.  I’ve been struggling with bipolar depression lately.  The deep, daunting, paranoia-filled affliction has encompassed me, debilitated me, and encumbered me from doing the simplest things, such as taking a shower or washing dishes, to my most important job, mommying.

Anytime I start to think big, I feel like Satan rallies his demonic troops and launches a full-blown attack against me.  Some might think I’m paranoid.  But this is backed by the Bible (which is my test to see if I’m being paranoid).  And this is Biblical:  Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  I’ve got some big things coming up.  At the beginning of last month, I started actively pursuing a way to get my “Think Big and Be Big” scriptural affirmation cards off the ground.  I also got the idea to start a topical small group for writers at my church.

It’s so hard to claim victory in the midst of despair.  I know God has won the war for my soul but that doesn’t mean I don’t get wounded in battle.  But it’s the little victories that lead back to the path of stability.

The other day I was too weary to get out of bed.  I had to ask my mother to keep the kids.  After sleeping for over 19 hours straight, I woke up, and prayed my simple prayer, once again, “God, please help me.”  Then, I got up and cleaned my daughter’s disaster of a room, which took about three hours of concentrated effort.  The twins came in and climbed on everything and wanted to get into big sissy’s stuff and play (which of course, I took some time to do).  Cleaning and spending time with my little ones… It was a small victory, but a victory none-the-less.

Throughout this depressive episode, I’ve tried to get out and do things even if I didn’t feel like it.  I dragged myself to a few play-dates and tried not to isolate myself, which is what I usually do, claiming that I’m sick.  I am sick but “depressed” is a more accurate description.  I hate claiming that over myself.  I’ve been deeply depressed for nearly a month now, but I’ve got some important milestones coming up that I pray will help pull me out.

I seriously considered canceling that writer’s small group, which is set to begin this Thursday (and I’m supposed to be the “leader”).  Me, in my condition, leading a small group of any kind will be, well, another miracle.  But God wouldn’t let me let go of that idea so I know that with His help and guidance, I can do it.

So I have to claim victory, not defeat!  Regardless of how I feel, I know that God’s got me and He has His purpose and plans to build me up and NOT let me down!  I believe that.  I put all my hope in that.  I have faith that He will pull me through this storm.  I claim victory now, Lord.  I have the victory in Jesus.

Double Talk Quote: “Mommy, I’ll sing a song to you so you’ll feel better.” – Bella 5/17/17

Bible Verse: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  John 10:10

Word that has Lost its Meaning:  defeated

Relatable Lyrics:  Victory In Jesus – the classic hymn


20170526_funny big red chair - 5 earthquakers, Audrey

Bella (2), Baby “Rain” (4 months), Mica (9), Brooks (2), and “Hope” (8)


Bless your heart, little “Rain”, I know how you feel!

*Note:  Sorry if this was a “rambling” post.  At least right now, I’m able to think in full sentences!

Comments on: "Claiming Victory" (8)

  1. Lifting you up in prayer! ~~ Lord, Give Michelle the strength she needs this day and always to face head on all that comes her way. Put joy in her heart, a smile on her face, and a lilt in her voice. May You, Lord, guide her steps and help her to persevere in the days to come. We praise You, Lord, in Jesus’ name.

    Even wars as big as WWII were won through all the small, unseen battles. Throw those fiery darts back at the devil. And punch him in the nose whilst you are at it!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. God bless you. Struggling with PTSD stuff myself a lot lately and a lot of what you write sounds very familiar, but like you I am walking in His strength and by grace we have clean clothes, clean(ish) house, healthy food on the table and three children in school. Love to you and your beautiful family from the UK! Will continue to keep you in my prayers x

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so sorry for your struggles too. Thanks for keeping me in your prayers and I’ll be praying for you too.

      BTW, I love how this comment is so enriched with gratitude and commitment to depending on God for all our needs. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I can only imagine your suffering…and, I can’t tell you how much I admire your resilience and commitment to coming out the other side…you are doing it….this is part of the process…God is guiding you and so proud of you for using your faith to see you through. You are an inspiration. Thank you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s been well over a month since I’ve posted, but I’ve been writing, pouring my heart out to God, begging for his help and direction. When you fall into this deep of a pit, you need supernatural help getting out (at least, I do). I don’t understand how those without faith do it. I would be hopeless without the Lord!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: