Posts tagged ‘Think Big and Be Big’

Claiming Victory

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I made the drive home from church.  Making it there to serve in itself was a miracle.  I probably shouldn’t have driven home but it was the only place I wanted to be.  So I took some medicine and took deep breaths the whole way home.  See, in the parking lot as I was leaving, I felt a panic attack coming on.  I’ve been struggling with bipolar depression lately.  The deep, daunting, paranoia-filled affliction has encompassed me, debilitated me, and encumbered me from doing the simplest things, such as taking a shower or washing dishes, to my most important job, mommying.

Anytime I start to think big, I feel like Satan rallies his demonic troops and launches a full-blown attack against me.  Some might think I’m paranoid.  But this is backed by the Bible (which is my test to see if I’m being paranoid).  And this is Biblical:  Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy.  I’ve got some big things coming up.  At the beginning of last month, I started actively pursuing a way to get my “Think Big and Be Big” scriptural affirmation cards off the ground.  I also got the idea to start a topical small group for writers at my church.

It’s so hard to claim victory in the midst of despair.  I know God has won the war for my soul but that doesn’t mean I don’t get wounded in battle.  But it’s the little victories that lead back to the path of stability.

The other day I was too weary to get out of bed.  I had to ask my mother to keep the kids.  After sleeping for over 19 hours straight, I woke up, and prayed my simple prayer, once again, “God, please help me.”  Then, I got up and cleaned my daughter’s disaster of a room, which took about three hours of concentrated effort.  The twins came in and climbed on everything and wanted to get into big sissy’s stuff and play (which of course, I took some time to do).  Cleaning and spending time with my little ones… It was a small victory, but a victory none-the-less.

Throughout this depressive episode, I’ve tried to get out and do things even if I didn’t feel like it.  I dragged myself to a few play-dates and tried not to isolate myself, which is what I usually do, claiming that I’m sick.  I am sick but “depressed” is a more accurate description.  I hate claiming that over myself.  I’ve been deeply depressed for nearly a month now, but I’ve got some important milestones coming up that I pray will help pull me out.

I seriously considered canceling that writer’s small group, which is set to begin this Thursday (and I’m supposed to be the “leader”).  Me, in my condition, leading a small group of any kind will be, well, another miracle.  But God wouldn’t let me let go of that idea so I know that with His help and guidance, I can do it.

So I have to claim victory, not defeat!  Regardless of how I feel, I know that God’s got me and He has His purpose and plans to build me up and NOT let me down!  I believe that.  I put all my hope in that.  I have faith that He will pull me through this storm.  I claim victory now, Lord.  I have the victory in Jesus.

Double Talk Quote: “Mommy, I’ll sing a song to you so you’ll feel better.” – Bella 5/17/17

Bible Verse: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”  John 10:10

Word that has Lost its Meaning:  defeated

Relatable Lyrics:  Victory In Jesus – the classic hymn

AND THEN I CRIED
“DEAR JESUS,
COME AND HEAL
MY BROKEN SPIRIT”
AND SOMEHOW JESUS
CAME AND BROUGHT
TO ME THE VICTORY!

20170526_funny big red chair - 5 earthquakers, Audrey

Bella (2), Baby “Rain” (4 months), Mica (9), Brooks (2), and “Hope” (8)

 

Bless your heart, little “Rain”, I know how you feel!

*Note:  Sorry if this was a “rambling” post.  At least right now, I’m able to think in full sentences!

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Looking back, Advice for new Bloggers, & an Award!

I haven’t posted a new blog in over a month!  Wow!  My lack of work here has a lot to do with parenting two two-year-olds and a seven and an eight-year-old.  But it probably actually has more to do with me having Bipolar Disorder I, Anxiety, ADHD, and feeling so overwhelmed and knocked-around by life in general that I just sigh and don’t put forth the effort it takes to write.  But it’s so therapeutic for me to just write.  But I haven’t lately, and that just shows that I’m letting Bipolar win and I hate when I do that!  (Anyone out there feel me?  I know someone does, someone has to, so speak up!  The comment section is below.)

I have 39 open drafts, so there’s no shortage of inspiration, it’s just finding some quiet time (usually between 4-5am works best for me), direction, energy, and motivation.

I was recently nominated for this “Blogger Recognition Award.”  Now, I know there are a lot of blogging awards out there, then there are those who are so proud NOT to have awards that they make an award for having an award-free blog!  But I do appreciate the nomination and I proudly choose to accept the award, because it means someone else – one of my peers – appreciated me enough to nominate me.  So here it is (Isn’t the artwork lovely?):

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I’d like to thank FEARFULLY WONDERFULLY ME for giving me this.  The author, Emily Susanne, is a Christian blogger who writes about “Growing in God and Inspiring Young Women Through Faith and Fashion.”

As per the rules of this award, I will briefly mention how my blog got started:  I was manic with a touch of Hypergraphia.  I was just weeks postpartum from having twins and I needed, I mean really, really needed to write.  I googled various forms of “postpartum mania,” but most articles were devoted to postpartum depression or psychosis.  That’s when I came across Dyane Harwood’s blog, Birth of a New Brain. I left a very long comment on her post, “Another Great Divide,” (which you can feel free to click on and read, if you feel so led).  And she responded! Twice!  I felt like, wow, someone actually hears and understands me.  I had so much to say, I knew I had to start my own blog at that point.  That was August 20, 2014.  I published my first post (Double Teamed) on August 22, 2014, and have been writing ever since.  My hopes and prayers are that the articles I write on this blog will be (and have been) a blessing, not only to me as a writer but also a blessing to others who struggle with similar issues.

So, I basically write about Bipolar Disorder and Mommying.  But there are other categories my posts fall into.  Looking back, here are a few of my favorite archives:

Think Big and Be Big

Season of Survival

I’m Sorry…But

Ode To Mania

Time to Brush Your Teeth

ADHD, Anxiety, and Bipolardisism

Big Sissy

Why I Choose To No Longer Wear Leggings

My advice to new bloggers:

  1.  Be yourself.  Be your authentic self and don’t apologize for being who you are.  (Unless you KNOW you’re not right, in that case, apologize in advance! JK)
  2.  Respond to each comment you get.  Another writer took the time to read what you wrote, then took the time to write you a message.  Respect that by taking the time to respond in kind.
  3. Read and follow other blogs.  Get to know your readers by reading what they write.  Build your own supportive community.
  4. Use “Grammarly” or at least a Spell Checker.
  5. Proofread and Pray before you hit the “Publish” button.
  6. Don’t expect your friends, family, or relatives to create “Gravatars” and read everything you write.  You may find your biggest supporters are strangers who relate to what you’re going through or writing about.
  7. Don’t worry about your stats.  The quality of your writing may not be reflected in the number of “likes” you receive, so don’t base your self-worth on numbers.
  8. Don’t expect everyone to agree with you.  Someone may “like” what you wrote but disagree with your philosophies or certain points you make.  That’s okay.  Actually, you can expect some (usually polite) criticism.  You can agree to disagree, and not take it personally.

Ok, I was only supposed to write 2 points there, I guess I got a little excited!  Now, I’m supposed to nominate some bloggers to do a similar post and receive this award.  Whether or not you choose to participate is completely optional (again, some people want their blogs to be award-free.  To those I say, “more power to you.”)  The following are bloggers I admire greatly and I hope you feel honored that I am nominating you:

Birth of a New Brain

That’s What Anxious Mom Said

This Girl’s Faith

The Bipolar Mama

Grief Happens (So Does Joy)

The Monster in Your Closet (is quite friendly, actually)

Anything is Possible

Pieces Of Bipolar

What… Cookies Again?

Uplifting Stories

Multicolored Smartypants

Find The Lovely

All In A Dad’s Work

I also hope any people reading this will take a few minutes to check out these awesome blogs!

(For the Blogger Recognition Award, please complete the following:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Write a post to show your award.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Select (15) other bloggers you want to give this award to.
  • Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them & provide the link to the post you created.)

 

Finally, I’d like to give you a sneak peek into my next post…

“Looking Forward, Advice from Successful Bloggers & another Award”

For this post to be successful, I need a lot of feedback.  This is a call to all Super Bloggers who struggle with anything, from everyday parenting exhaustion, to addiction, to mental illness.  If you are a Super-writer or Super-Parent (and if you’re a parent, I bet you’re Super to someone), please comment below with your website link, and I will set up a “meet and greet” so to speak, for my next post.  Also, please give one piece of advice on blogging.  Until then, whenever that may be, goodbye and God bless!

Double Talk Quote: “And for a long, long, long while, Grandma read the bible.” – Mica, when they missed church one Sunday.

Bible Verse: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32

Term that has Lost its meaning (to me, anyway): Award-free Blog

Relatable Lyrics:  “Beautiful” by Eminem

“Yea… To my babies. Stay strong…
And to the rest of the world, God gave you the shoes
That fit you, so put ’em on and wear ’em
And be yourself, man, be proud of who you are
Even if it sounds corny,
Don’t ever let no one tell you, you ain’t beautiful”

A NEW song for your brain (a second refrain)

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This past week, one of the pastors at our church preached a sermon about gratitude and thinking patterns, both from a Christian and a scientific perspective.  The sermon really ‘struck a chord’ with me, so to speak.  It was so in-line with what I write about that I just had to repeat This Article  I wrote over a year ago:

In a depressed mind, neurotransmitters do not work properly. Often the problem is complicated by the fact that neural pathways that have already been formed are often the “go-to” route because they have been used so much. They are the “beaten path” so to speak. A tired brain which is not functioning properly anyway says to itself, “Go the way you know.” In a depressed brain that way is usually a depressed path.

Current path: negative thought –→ acceptance of negative thought –→ obsession on negative thought –→ negative feeling –→ possible negative action

It is very difficult to break that pattern. However, brains are very resilient and are abundantly blessed with neuroplasticity. It is like any muscle movement that has become a habit. Have you ever learned to play a particular song on an instrument and always seem to err at one particular place every time? Your fingers have learned to take the wrong pathway. You correct the problem by practicing a new movement. The same is true for our thinking patterns. The brain has hardwired itself to think a certain way, but it can be retrained! Reprogram Neural Synapse Pathways using affirmations and scriptures.

New Path: negative thought → recognition of thought → replace with TRUE thought backed by scripture → positive feelings → positive action

Satan is the author of confusion and a proficient liar. Why do we even think negative thoughts? They are the whispers of Satan to God’s anointed people. Give your brain a new song today!

 

This is the basis of my Think Big, Be Big cards, that helped me get out of a spiral of bipolar depression and mania, which I would like to see published one day (and soon)!

The anointed sermon regarding the power of positive thinking and retraining your brain to be grateful, was delivered by Pastor Eric Freeman and is available via podcast here.

(12/3/2015, Twins 17 months, Mica 7, Hope 6)

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Double Talk Quote: “Hope is not my sibling or my friend, she’s my cousin.” – Mica, justifying why she hadn’t volunteered to “serve” Hope.   (Her God-Time Card had challenged her to secretly serve a sibling or friend.)

Bible Verse:  “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7

Word that has Lost its meaning: ungrateful

Relatable Lyrics:  The Thankfulness Song by Veggie Tales

“…A thankful heart is a happy heart”

(Thanks to Starla Ward for the Starlagraph Photography)

Updates & About

“Take a 10 minute, well deserved break                         & see that you, too, can relate!”

Well, I’ve had this blog for over a year now and those of you who read consistently may have noticed that I have changed a few things around.  I have:

  • Updated my “About” page (See Here)
  • Changed Theme
  • Revamped a few settings
  • Obtained a new (easier to remember) URL:  SuperMommyOfTwins.com, which matches my email address SuperMommyOfTwins@gmail.com
  • I have cards that carry my information that I can pass out to fellow “Moms Of Many” (or any mom, parent of twin, person with mood disorder or relative of person with mood disorders, or relative of someone with twins, really)

My website is not used for commerce.  I don’t sell anything.  I am giving away things here.  My thoughts, my words, my work, my prayers, my time, my ideas, and my energy are worth something.  My prayers are that:

  • with every word that I type, I am leaving a seed in the hearts of those who read it,
  • my writing is inspirational to other moms,
  • I give hope to others who also have mood disorders such as Bipolar disorder or depression,
  • I am pleasing God by obeying and glorifying Him with my writing,
  • this may be a stepping stool to getting “Think Big” cards in print somehow.

So, please see my updated “About” page and feel free to comment here or directly at the above email address.  I’d love your feedback on the site and your thoughts about what I’m trying to accomplish with this blog.

Thanks for reading!

Me & my girls, Magnificent Mica & Beauty Bella

Me & my girls, Magnificent Mica and Beauty Bella

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Me & my Super Son, Brooks

(Twins 13 months, Mica 7)

– S. Michelle Ward Mendoza (aka SuperMommy, aka SuperBelle, aka Belle)

Romans w8:2w8

2015-07-15 Mommy & twins babywearing

All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

This was my daddy’s life verse.  Every time we talked, any time I was down, he’d always quote this and tell me to keep my pretty chin up.  Even when times were bleak, they would eventually be turned into testimonies and used for God’s glory.

But sometimes Usually, Almost always, When you are going through something difficult, it’s hard to see what good can come of it.  It’s hard to see the promise land.  It’s hard to imagine how it’s going to work out.

God has giving me instructions.  He has given me talents.  He has given me inspiration.  He has given me testimonies.  He has given me revelations.  He has given me promises.

When, God, when will these promises come to fruition in my life?

Then God reminds me of these other verses:

  • Ecclesiastes 3:11 – He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
  • Isaiah 40:31 – but those who  wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
  • Psalm 27:14Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he will strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
  • Romans 8:25 –  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

I love the Lord.  I am called by Him for His purpose.  My hope is in Him.  Without Him I can do nothing.

So I’ll wait.  I will keep mommying.  I will keep writing this blog.  I will keep pursuing my “Think Big” series. I will write “Testimonies.”  I will minister to “Moms of Many.”

I firmly believe that all these things will work together for good.  Not just for my good, but for the glory of God.

2015-07-01 mess

Beautiful Mess

Double Double Talk Quote: “You have to go through tests to have testimonies” – Starla

Bible Verse: Romans 8:28

Word that has Lost its meaning:  trials

Relatable Lyrics: “You make everything beautiful” – Rebecca st James – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgsfESBDFcg  “In my weakness, You can Shine, In your strength, I can fly.”

Think Big and Be Big

you're just like me2 twins

Just before putting his foot in his mouth, Fred Flintstone tells himself “Think big and be big, think big and be big, think big and be big.” Although the episode ends in him feeling pretty small, it’s because his “think big” attitude is based in pride and pretension.

I love the quote, however, because when used in a healthy way, it can promote confidence and positive mental health.

In 2007, I began writing affirmation cards for myself.  They include 3-4 positive, encouraging and self-affirming sentences.  Over the years, as my faith in God has increased and the realization that all the powers I hold within are from Him, I have revised them extensively to incorporate scriptures and Biblical principals in them.  I call them my “Think Big” cards.

These cards were inspired by the Lord, as I would do my devotions in the morning.  I’ve never tried to write one.  In the beginning, I wrote them for the sole purpose of motivating myself.  But after seeing both Grandma and my sister, Sarah struggling with depression, I started lending them out.  I even typed a few samples and put them on “to-go” rings for their keys.  I believe these revelations could be helpful to anyone but could especially benefit people of faith who struggle with low self-esteem,  or mental illness, or have problems with life direction.

Over the years, as I’ve struggled for freedom, I believe (at least I hope) that I’ve grown in the Lord.  I’ve written 3 rounds of the cards over time.  I guess you could equate the messages with strategies to manage money.

1.  “Think Big” cards focus on getting out of emotional debt.  Sometimes, especially with mood disorders in particular, it feels like you’re drowning.  These affirmation + scripture combinations focus on adjusting your life view and actually seeing the positive aspects of your life.

2.  “Think Bigger” cards focus on managing day-to-day life and increase capacity to take care of yourself while incorporating God as the number one priority.

3.  “Think Biggest” cards focus on building emotional wealth.  They are about going a step beyond yourself and reaching out to others to bring God glory.

I know I’m not the only one who could benefit from this.  It needs to be shared.  One day these cards will be published and they will be a life-changing blessing to someone who is in emotional need.  My hope is that they will bless many people.  I can see them in print and on peoples’ key chains.  I can see them as a phone app that people read and reread 3-5 times a day.  I can see them meaning something to someone.  Not just me.  I am not alone.  This.  This could would should will happen.  Amen?

 

Double Talk Quote: “That cat roared at me.” – my 5-year-old, bilingual niece, Hope

Verse:  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”  Romans 12:2

Word that has Lost its meaning: pride and pretension (hopefully)

Relatable Episode: summery here: http://www.tv.com/shows/the-flintstones/the-masquerade-ball-59978/

(March 10, 2015 –  twins 8 months)

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