Think: "You think you can, You think you can, You think you can" & one day say: "You thought you could, You said you could, You knew you could" & thus, at least: you thought you did.

Posts tagged ‘Babies’

Baby Blues

Baby Blues

da da da da dum…
da da da da dum…
da da da da dum, de dum, de dum, de dum, de dum, da da dum…
da da da da dum…

I woke up from naptime,
I was ready to play,
Mommy was alone, Daddy wasn’t home, he had to work all day,

Now I got the play time,
The play-time baby blues (bl-ues),
Yeah, the Mommy she’s real cool,
But sometimes she just won’t do.

da da da da dum…

I woke up at midnight,
Look what someone did,
Encaged and enraged, shocked and dismayed, they made me sleep in my crib,

Now I got the midnight,
The midnight baby blues (bl-ues),
So I cried to my Mommy (come pick me up),
I wanna cuddle with you.

da da da da dum…

I woke up this morning,
I was ready for food,
Looked over to find Mommy by my side with a yum-yum filled boob,

Now I got some yum-yums,
To cure my baby blues (bl-ues),
Yeah, the yum-yums good for my tum-tums (give me some)
To cure my baby blues.

Yeah, I had the baby (baby)
I had the baby blues (bl-ues),
I had the little-baby-‘bout-to-make-my-mommy-go-insane-y blues, blues.

(Written Dec 2008)


2014 Newborn twin grin

Twin Grin – Bella and Brooks

Micaela baby and mommy

Mommy and Baby Mica




Warning:  Yum-Yum (breast-feeding) Photo ahead:




breast-feeding twins 23 months 1

23 months (almost at the 2-year marker)!


Midnight Medication Mixup

Morning Mommy 3

Sleep is the key to my sanity.  If I can regulate sleep, it’s easier to regulate my moods as well.

I have medication that I take at night and I have medication I take in the morning; and never the tween shall meet.  Except they did last night.  Instead of my usual regimen of Ambien, Abilify, and Lamictal, I skipped the first two, opting to take 1/2 of  a Seroquel instead (my doctor is okay with me doing this on occasion).  I had felt a bit of hypomania coming on so I wanted a good night’s rest and Seroquel usually does the trick.  I also knew I didn’t have a busy day coming up so I could rest if it made me a bit drowsy.

But…A cat pressed his way through the door, which was pulled-to but apparently not closed and the hallway light was on.   I woke up in a haze, barely able to see.  The piercing light was coming from the same direction of the clock and I could have sworn that hallway light was the break of dawn.  I could have sworn the time said 6 am, not 2 am.  So I swallowed my pills thinking I’d snooze for a few minutes before I had to wake up Mica to get ready for school.  I was at the apex of a very intricately narrated “movie” dream, when suddenly I was jolted awake.  The meds had kicked in and it was time to get on with the day.

Except…it was 2:30 am.

I’ve been working a lot on immigration case work for my husband lately, so I had plenty to do to occupy my time.  But I worried I’d run out of energy mid-day and be out-of-sorts when the twins (and older girls) needed me the most.  Fortunately, I was able to direct my hypomania into my work during those early morning hours, and even throughout the day, going to the grocery store before anyone in the household was even away, preparing breakfast, cleaning house, and playing hopscotch, painting with the twins and cooking and having a picknick supper outside.  The most trouble I had was lying still when the babes were ready to cuddle.

It’s 8:55pm now.  I’m starting to get tired.  Not sleepy, though.  Just tired.  I’ll take my night meds and rest again and maybe tomorrow will be…just as good.

(written 6/1/2016, Twins 23 months, Mica 8, Hope 7)

Double Talk Quote: “It was a surprise!” – Tia (Hope’s mom) announcing her new pregnancy.  Why am I not surprised?  Congrats to me! (jk – kinda)

Bible Verse: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”  Matthew 6:34

Term that has lost its meaning: creep-o-cat

Relatable Lyrics:   “I Did My Best” by Soul Asylum

“I was waiting for a chain reaction
With a missing link…
…I was tired of being tired
I could not get no rest
So I kept sleepwalking and talking in my sleep
Yes I did my best”



perserverance - Brooks

I’ve wanted to bury my head in the sand and hope all my “challenges” just fade away on their own.  Unfortunately, I don’t live in an episode of “Sanford and Son” where mail can just be put back in the mailbox without consequence.  I have to be an adult and deal with my problems.

Sanford and Son

We attend Daystar church, which has an excellent Kid’s ministry.  Each month the elementary age students take home “God Time” cards, which are children’s devotionals that correspond with what they’re teaching at church.  Their theme this month is “Perseverance: refusing to give up when life gets hard.”  Each morning this past week, while doing the devotions with Mica, the cards seemed to be ministering as much, if not more, to me than to her.

When I feel this overwhelmed, I’m reminded of Joshua crossing the Jordan river.  He asked God to make a way and God told him to send the ark of the covenant (where the Lord dwelled) first and to just start walking.  With each small step Joshua’s tribes took, the river slowly dried up until he and all the Israelites were safely on the other side.


Google Images – eyeofprophecy

Small steps.  I have to put God first and just take small steps and walk out into the water and trust that He will make a way for me.

(April 5-12, 2016 – Twins 21 months, Mica 8, Hope 6)

Double Talk Story: I made my to-do list and after having marked off a couple of items with my highlighter, I felt better, invigorated, like I’d accomplished something.  I walked out the room for just a few minutes and returned to see that nearly the entire list had been accomplished by a babe (if only)!

To-Do List

Brooks helps Mommy with her To-Do List!

Bible Verse:  Joshua 3: 14-17

Term which meaning I dread:  Tax Season

Relatable Lyrics:  Shackles” by Mary Mary

“Everything that could go wrong, All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me, I thought I was gon lose my mind
But I know you wanna see, If I will hold on through these trials…

…You broke the chains now I can lift my hands, And I’m gonna praise you”

Five Under Five

Los Tornados 2

Los Tornados – Leti’s three


It was January 2011.  It had literally been days since my father passed away when I learned that my sister-in-law, Leti, had been assaulted by her significant other, again.  Amor made the four hour trip to pick her and her three children (ages 4, 2, and 8 months) up.  The trip back to our home was much longer, as there was a throw up incident on the way, (which ruined the portable DVD player).  Mica was 2 at the time and I was used to caring for her and Hope, who was 1.  I was pretty used to keeping things like toys organized, categorized, and rotated.  But with the addition of three toddler/preschoolers (who only spoke and understood Spanish) all that went to Hades in a hand basket.

Los Tornados 3

Mica & Hope

It was freezing outside so we were cooped up most days with five kids under the age of five inside our small, three bedroom home.  For the first few weeks, Leti spent time cooking and hanging around the house, catching up with her sister (my other sister-in-law), Tia.  All the while, the kids ran wild.  It was a madhouse and I was certainly not used to that kind of chaos.  With Mica and Hope, I had a relaxed routine, which involved eating meals at regular times, scheduled activities, and playtime – my biggest rule being:  put one set of toys away before bringing out a new set.

But these new kids had absolutely no concept of that rule.  And all kind of “Travesuras” (or mischief) ensued.  Destruction was everywhere.  They would pull toys and clothes out of drawers or off shelves and throw them everywhere, without even looking at them!  The walls were colored on, play dough was smushed into the carpet, crumbs on the floor, poop all over the place, nick-knacks broken, stuffed animals’ heads ripped clean off, even electronics destroyed (you wouldn’t believe the toys I found stuffed in the VCR).  I learned that keeping scissors in the van for emergencies was a bad idea too, when one of the seat belts was cut right in half! Leti’s idea of cleaning was foreign to me as well.  I would sometimes come out in the mornings to find the house looking so neat and clean, only to find that everything had been thrown in one big box.  All the puzzle pieces were mixed in together, along with blocks, socks, and rocks.  It’s funny that with all that destruction, my biggest pet peeve was the brand new markers Mica had gotten for Christmas that were thrown in the mix, with the lids off them, all dried out and useless. Leti, herself, nicknamed the brood “Los Tornados.”

Leti eventually found a job for a while, which left me the primary caretaker of the babes.  It took all my imagination to keep them entertained and from going stir-crazy in that house mid-winter.  I turned the living room into a gymnastic play area, with places for them to jump, roll, and tumble.  I turned my bedroom into a dance zone, with disco lights and high-energy Veggie Tales music.  Mica’s room was toy city.  The kitchen table became an arts and craft zone.

I ended up having so much fun with those little ones.  I fell in love with them.  Any time they started to drive me a little crazy, I just looked at the magazine cut-out I had stuck on the wall after one of our craft projects that said, “Jesus Loves the Little Children.”  It was amazing to me that I was able to handle that, even though they only stayed with us for a few months.  I guess God was preparing my heart for what was to come, and at the same time offering a beautiful distraction from the devastation of daddy’s death.

I never imagined that I would one day have my own little brood of “Earthquakers,” but now that I do, I feel blessed beyond belief, regardless of any “travesuras” they come up with.  As always I pray for blessing, protection, and salvation for each of those little ones.  I love you all so much and you’ll be in my heart forever.

Los Tornados 1Los Tornados 7 - Belle, Stephani, EdwinLos Tornados 9 - Edwin dylanLos Tornados 12 - mica grace

Double Talk Quote:  “¿Quieres jugar conmigo?” – Mica, who at the time had not been formally taught Spanish, but picked it up from her cousins.

Verse: Matthew 19:14:  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Term that had lost its meaning: organized

Relatable Lyrics:  Veggie Tales: “My Day

“In my bed I start to pray
And tell God all about my day…I had some trouble sharing toys
And during rest time, made some noise
The walls are not for coloring….In my bed so quietly
I rest in knowing
God loves me”

Now, Who’s Responsible for Gum in Grandma’s Hair?

Mica Bella Grace Brooks electronics box gum - edited

Grandma recently had the unfortunate misfortune of innocently sitting down on the bed and leaning back onto the baby-proof padded foam wall lined with poke-a-dots.  She didn’t notice the wad of chewing gum blending into the background until she sat up and felt the unmistakable, sticky, cinnamon scented goop stuck on a very prominent part of her recently cut and straightened hair.

It was easy enough to remove, using the old peanut butter and fine-tooth comb trick. But Who, but who, would have carelessly and irresponsibly stuck gum to the headboard of a bed?  Let’s examine possible suspects:

  1. Bella:  She knows what gum is, can identify and say the word gum, but is not know to try to chew it.  Culpability Probability?  slim-to-none
  2. Brooks:  He’s been know to slip gum from mommy’s “electronic’s box” (box where she keeps her remote controls, phones, camera, and baby monitor, oh, and also gum – all in one place so she can reach it while holding two squirmy 18 month olds), but Brooks is not know to actually spit the gum out, much less stick it to the wall.  Culpability Probability?  possible, but not likely
  3. Mica:  She’s always getting into mommy’s gum but from a young age has always been responsible; spitting it out when done and putting it in the trash can.  Culpability Probability?  doubtful she’s responsible
  4. Hope:  Totally something she would do.  Only one problem:  Although Hope has no problem chowing down on super-spicy Mexican food, she can’t handle mint or cinnamon flavored anything, the taste being too strong.  And since the gum was not fruity flavored…Culpability Probability?  not completely outside the realm of possibility, but almost.
  5. Amor:  As an adult, you’d think he’d know better.  Well, let’s just say, I’ve had a similar issue on his side of the bed.  Problem is, he hasn’t been near the bed recently.  Therefore, Culpability Probability?  maybe 1% chance it was him
  6. Mommy Belle:  The mom who religiously insists on good oral hygiene, makes sure all kids brush well twice a day, has even written a song and blog post about teeth, but who also has a not-so-healthy habit of sneaking a snack (night medicine triggers huger) after finally getting the twins to sleep but then is too afraid of waking them to actually get up to re-brush teeth, so she chews xylitol-laced gum to ease her conscience but still too worried about waking two sleeping toddlers to throw the chewed gum away, sticks it to an innocuous place until morning when she gets a chance to clean it up, but may have forgotten this time…Culpability Probability?  hummm, you know what, it was probably Mr. Nobody.

Double Talk Quote:  “You’re going to grow up to be an awesome person!” – Me to Mica  “Like you!” – Mica to me (be still my heart!)

Verse: “ Take my instruction instead of silver, and knowledge rather than choice gold, for wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.” Proverbs 8:10-11

Term that has Earned its meaning: sticky situation

Relatable Lyrics:  “Weird Al” Yankovic – First World Problems

“Uh, I had to buy something I didn’t even need just
so I could qualify for free shipping on Amazon”

Bella Mica and Brooks with gum

toothbrush ditched for gum

Brooks with gum

Updates & About

“Take a 10 minute, well deserved break                         & see that you, too, can relate!”

Well, I’ve had this blog for over a year now and those of you who read consistently may have noticed that I have changed a few things around.  I have:

  • Updated my “About” page (See Here)
  • Changed Theme
  • Revamped a few settings
  • Obtained a new (easier to remember) URL:, which matches my email address
  • I have cards that carry my information that I can pass out to fellow “Moms Of Many” (or any mom, parent of twin, person with mood disorder or relative of person with mood disorders, or relative of someone with twins, really)

My website is not used for commerce.  I don’t sell anything.  I am giving away things here.  My thoughts, my words, my work, my prayers, my time, my ideas, and my energy are worth something.  My prayers are that:

  • with every word that I type, I am leaving a seed in the hearts of those who read it,
  • my writing is inspirational to other moms,
  • I give hope to others who also have mood disorders such as Bipolar disorder or depression,
  • I am pleasing God by obeying and glorifying Him with my writing,
  • this may be a stepping stool to getting “Think Big” cards in print somehow.

So, please see my updated “About” page and feel free to comment here or directly at the above email address.  I’d love your feedback on the site and your thoughts about what I’m trying to accomplish with this blog.

Thanks for reading!

Me & my girls, Magnificent Mica & Beauty Bella

Me & my girls, Magnificent Mica and Beauty Bella


Me & my Super Son, Brooks

(Twins 13 months, Mica 7)

– S. Michelle Ward Mendoza (aka SuperMommy, aka SuperBelle, aka Belle)

Let’s Stay Up and Play

twins play - books funny face
Mommy says, soft and sweet,
“Go to bed, it’s time to sleep…
In your crib, don’t you weep.”
But in babies’ heads here’s what they think:
“I don’t wanna go to bed tonight,
I don’t want a nap today,
I don’t want to go to sleep, that’s right,
Let’s stay up and play!”
Mommy sings a lullaby
“Go to sleep, don’t you cry…
Please don’t whine, just close your eyes.”
But in babies’ minds, they wonder, why? (Porque why)
And “I don’t wanna go to bed tonight,
I don’t want a nap today,
I don’t want to go to sleep, that’s right,
Let’s stay up and play!”
Everybody sing (chorus)
Let’s play all night and day…
Let’s stay up and play!
Hooray for play!
– Written by S. Michelle Ward Mendoza
(November 2008 for Mica, now adapted for and dedicated to Brooks and Bella)
brooks amor smilebella mommy bell
Twins USAearthquakers twins grace Mica crib

A Grateful Heart

The Earthquakers 2

I’ve written before about the way God changed my heart about asking for and accepting help from others. (See the article “Pleas and Thank Yous”

Since I was a little girl, I have always believed in tithing. At least ten percent of any money I’ve ever made has gone directly toward a Godly cause. Amor agrees with me on this and no matter how tough things have gotten, neither of us have ever even considered not tithing. It just was not an option.

Pregnancy was more expensive than I had anticipated. Because I was carrying twins, I needed an ultrasound every week (sometimes more if they didn’t catch each baby moving with the first ultrasound). I had some insurance, but it only covered basic stuff and had a high co-pay, so those doctor’s visits really added up. Plus our trips to the grocery store were pricy as well. High quality food comes at a premium and I was determined to grow my little babies as big as they could get in the womb regardless of the cost. At about 32 weeks, I was so big that everyday tasks became very difficult. Keeping up with Mica and Hope was pretty near impossible. By 36 weeks, I was bedridden. It was all I could do to get up to pee! So Amor asked for time off work as a restaurant server and was quickly terminated leaving us pretty much penniless. We got by though, by God’s grace.

My whole life, I’ve worried about finances. My family was not well-off growing up and my parents’ fights often had a monetary undertone that kept me wondering, “Are we going to be alright?” No matter how tight things got, we always were. But I think the mentality always stuck with me. That is, until the day Amor got fired. Looking at it from a carnal perspective, this is the one time during my adult life that I should have been the most concerned about money. But I wasn’t. God took that burden from me and replaced it with a reminder, a scripture that both my parents had always stood upon and one that I’ve always heard but never really put my full faith upon: God feeds the birds that are much less significant than I. He clothes the lilies, which are here today and dead tomorrow, with such splendor and glory, not even the wisest, wealthiest man in history, Solomon, was as well adorned (Matthew 6:25-34).

Shortly after the birth of the babies, I joined a mommy’s group at our church. It was incredibly refreshing to have the emotional and moral support of other mothers, at least one of whom has twins herself. During prayer requests, I would often ask for prayer regarding our financial situation. Around mid-November, my sister Sarah and I were running a little late to one of our meetings. When we got downstairs, I noticed a few boxes of “stuff” but didn’t think anything of it, since we were collecting for “Operation Christmas Child” by Samaritan’s Purse to make shoe boxes for children overseas. But at the end of the meeting, the group leader revealed that God had put on their hearts to do an extra service project. They announced that they planned to “adopt” our family for Christmas. In addition, some of the other mommies had gotten together and collected clothes for our babies (which is what happened to be in the boxes). I was overcome with emotion. Tears flooded my cheeks. I don’t remember exactly what I said, except to try to convey how incredibly grateful I was.

Since then, other moms have brought by food, clothes, toys, supplies, and all kinds of gently used goods that have been such a blessing to us. We recently had a huge expense arise with our vehicle, an older model van, which needed some extensive work to pass inspection. We had no problems getting it fixed because so many of our every day needs have been met. Almost all of the twin’s entire winter wardrobe was donated to us. I haven’t needed to buy diapers in over a month! We’ve been given household goods and personal items such as bathroom tissue, laundry detergent, and lipstick. Christmas gifts for my 6-year old have been dropped off or sent in the mail. People from our church brought oatmeal for us nursing moms, breast milk storage bags, nursing pads, and I was even given a breast pump (BEFORE my old one broke down completely)! It just goes to show me that God knows what I need before I do and puts a plan into action.

I am so thankful and grateful to all those who have helped and continue to help. At first, I tried to keep track of who gave what so that I could write thank you cards or send thanks in a message, but with so much variety, and so much given anonymously, that has become impossible.

So I give thanks to God, who is Jehovah Jireh, my provider. Thank You, Father, for blessing me with a wonderful little family, and for my extended family who offers so much love and support, especially in a time of need. Thank You for my church and for friends with open hearts who allow You to work through them. What a blessing it is to have a friend in Jesus.

Double Talk Story: Even as I end this article, I see a car in our driveway, someone else from our church to lend a helping hand. Praise God!

Bible Verse: My God shall supply all my needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Word that has Lost its meaning: worry

Relatable Lyrics: “Thank you for giving to the Lord”

December 8, 2014 ( Mica 6 years, twins 5 months old)

the earthquakers - Micaela

Big Sissy

- Big Sissy -

I knew that having babies would have an effect on Mica. I knew she’d be excited but that there would be many adjustments to make. I knew it would be difficult for her to go to bed on her own and get herself ready for things in a timely fashion. But she has done surprisingly well with both of those issues, considering the bad habits we had tolerated for so long (sleeping in our bed, dawdling, etc.). I also knew she’d get very bored, which I was right about, too. For the first couple of weeks after the babies arrived, she ever so patiently put up with being cooped up in the house with two screaming infants without complaint. I guess it was due to the excitement and newness of it all. But then, welcome to boredom city! I enrolled her in VBS (but then forgot to take her, oops), sent her to the library with Grandma, encouraged her to read and watch what she had borrowed from the library, asked Starla to take her to Chuck-E-Cheese’s, played board games and helped her with projects whenever I got a free hand, and allowed cousin Hope to come over. That took care of all of 4% of the boredom she felt. Finally, I turned to Facebook friends for help with this plea: “Mica is going a little stir-crazy. Anyone want to take her for a play date sometime?” and tagged all her friend’s parents in the post. The response was actually pretty good. She went on three play dates this past week and I have another two tentatively planned for next week. I can tell a huge difference when she gets a chance to get out of the house. Now when she says she’s bored, I can remind her of what she’s got coming up. If she just can’t wait until then, I tell her to clean something, or practice her school work. That usually stops the complaint for a while.

There were two things I did not anticipate from Mica that surprised me. I knew that she would take the role of “big sissy” seriously. I just didn’t realize how seriously. From the moment she met them, it was like she was a little mommy, instinctively knowing exactly what to do, from how to hold them, to soothing their crying. She is the best helper ever! If anything, she is too over-the-top with her mommying antics. She wants to kiss them all the time, hold them all the time, change their diapers, pick them up whenever they cry and feed them herself. “Herself” is a very important word. It’s as if she gets insulted when anyone tries to help her take care of them. At only one week, she believed herself an expert at carrying them around. We would let her try, as long as she had someone to “spot” her, usually Amor. But she would get so aggravated and complain that Daddy was always “snatching the baby” from her. One night she begged to pick up Bella and bring her to me. Amor insisted on spotting her and Mica agreed on the condition that he not snatch her. Well, sure enough, Amor didn’t think she was doing it right and tried to take Bella away from her. I could tell Mica had a good grip on her so I just laughed when she turned away from him, Bella in tow, and started running, yelling “My baby! My baby! My baby!” The next day while at the doctor’s office for a scheduled appointment, we asked him to make it a rule, no picking up or carrying the babies. That way he was the bad guy, not us. It’s doctor’s orders.

The second thing I didn’t anticipate, or even consider beforehand, was the running commentary that Mica creates. She talks nonstop! I can’t determine if this is a new behavior or one I just never noticed before. With her as my only child, I always made a point of paying attention to whatever was on her mind. I want her to grow up knowing that her thoughts and opinions matter. But I’m finding it extremely difficult to focus now. At any given time, I have Amor asking me questions, the TV on in the background, various babies crying with specific needs, my own mind running thoughts, and then there’s Mica’s little voice in the background, filling up any chance of a quiet moment. Her chatter involves 3 methods: copying the noises the babies make, reenacting the thing the baby just did, or translating what the baby is thinking as he or she bellows. That is in addition to voicing her own needs and complaints. With me being so busy with the babies, Amor has been the one more “in charge” of her lately and he has his own way of dealing with her that is much different than my approach. She often comes to me to challenge and complain about him. She is also very adept at the art of debate. Argumentative, dogmatic, and always right… my mom always facetiously hoped for me to have a little girl who was just like me. I guess she got her wish.

Double Talk Quote
: Mica – “Mommy, I was quiet for an hour!”

Relatable Lyrics: “Fireflies” by Owl City

Verse: “A friend loves at all times and a brother (or sister) was born for help in a time of need” Psalm 17:17

Word that has lost its meaning: (to me, anyway) Boring

Written: July 27, 2014 (4 weeks)

Big Sissy 2Big Sissy Kiss

Tag Cloud