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Archive for the ‘Cultural Differences’ Category

3. I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do: Red Tape

I Do 2012 Amor y corazon Micaela

…Fast forward several years, we’d had a daughter, my father had passed away, I had been institutionalized, but had stopped self-medicating with alcohol and was on a decent bipolar regimen.  Amor and I had begun focusing on putting our priorities straight and making God number one in our lives.

Grandma actually got some money from an inheritance and kindly offered to throw me and Amor a Wedding.  We were ecstatic!  It’s something we had wanted for some time but had always found something higher up on the priority list to pay for.

If we had our wedding on October 7, 2012, which fell on a Sunday, we could renew our vows on the beach exactly 7 years since our second vow exchange.  The only glitch was – our marriage still wasn’t legal.  Since his former wife had fled the country a decade earlier, and was no where to be found, Amor had never officially divorced her before marrying me.

We had two options:

  1. Pay a private investigator in Russia to locate Amor’s (technical) wife, get the divorce documents professionally translated, have the Russian government officially serve her the papers if they could find her, pray she would sign, professionally re-translate the documents and finally, get a judge to sign off on the divorce decree despite the wife being physically absent OR
  2. Get an attorney.  Pay a local newspaper where she was last known to reside to print a daily legal notification for 30 days.  Then she would have a certain amount of time to contest.  If she didn’t object and it was determined by a judge that she couldn’t be found, he may sign off on a divorce decree without her signature.

We chose option number two, which though was expensive, was not as costly, nor as complicated nor time consuming as option one.

So with the divorce finalized, Grandma, our wedding coordinator, started planning the big day.  We booked a venue at a beach in South Carolina, near the NC/SC boarder where Amor and I used to live and therefore had friends and extended family nearby.  Things fell into place quickly and as the big day approached, we scurried to get things in order.  I contacted my cherished childhood pastor and his wife, with whom I had kept in contact over the years, to officiate the wedding and they were happy to oblige.  The ceremony would be a vow renewal but would, in effect, also finally make our marriage legal.

About a month before the wedding, we went down to meet with them and finalize all the details.  Everything was falling into place except…

the great state of South Carolina refused to issue us a marriage license!  One of the forms of identification we needed to provide in order to obtain a marriage license in South Carolina was expired. Freak-out, panic, and anxiety flooded me!  We had an alternate form of identification issued by North Carolina but for whatever reason, SC wouldn’t accept it.  All I could do was pray that the NC would issue us a marriage license…

I do - Amor y corazon beach 2010 Micaela

Double Talk Quote: “I’m almost done with the “I Do” series, I’m just missing one quote.” – Me to Amor. “Which one?” he asks.

Bible Verse:  “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12

Word that has Lost its meaning: finalize

Relatable Lyrics: “La Playa” by La Oreja de Van Gogh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-i-b0NlFHA

(March 21, 2015 –  twins 8 months)

***Thank You Starla Ward (https://starlabward.wordpress.com/) for the above professional photos***

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Cultural Differences, Drum Roll Please, Marital Bliss, Uncategorized

2. I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do: Legally Married?

I do Amor y Corazon colage

…So after having exchanged vows online, before God and Dick Wolf, we saw ourselves as married.  Amor bought me an inexpensive ruby heart shaped gold ring and we lived together for a hunky-dory few months.  But eventually, our families started asking questions.  Fed up with fielding them, I admitted, “We got married.”

My folks had an idea of how I felt about being an independent woman and were shocked to hear that we had “eloped” as they put it.  I offered few details and they asked surprisingly few questions.  Belle was now Mrs. Belle and that was that.

It was around this time that we moved four hours inland to be closer to my family.  I had finally gotten an official “Bipolar” diagnosis and I wanted to be near my sisters and parents who, I hoped, would be a source of support.   I knew that eventually, it would come out that Amor and I had no legal document stating that we were man and wife.  So we went to the courthouse to try to make it legal, only to learn we needed certain paperwork and witnesses (real ones, not TV characters).  So I explained to one of my sisters, Sarah, in as little detail as I could, that due to certain paperwork, we needed to restate our vows to make our marriage legal (all true).  She and Joe were happy to help.

So we gathered our documents and on October 7, 2005 (exactly 6 months later) we finally made it downtown with everything we needed.  I don’t even recall what I wore.  It felt like just another day to us.  We were pronounced “man and wife” by the magistrate and a few days later got our certificate in the mail.

The following year (2006), I was doing some different paperwork at a government office.  I had been on a litany of psychiatric drugs to try to find something to help manage my bipolar, and I was feeling “out of myself,” so Amor was with me.  They asked for my anniversary date and I said, “It’s April 7th or 8th”  “No, it’s sometime in October,” Amor reminded me.  “Oh yeah, I think it’s October 7th, 2005,”  I said.  The lady looked at me, like I was clearly mentally unstable (ok, I was).  “Um today is October 7th, 2006.  Are you telling me you are here on your first anniversary and you don’t even realize it?” Sigh, I guess so.  Whatever, we had celebrated back in April!

So finally, it was all settled, right?

One more detail that we, being young and impetuous and a bit screwed up in the head, neglected to take care of:  Amor never legally divorced his first wife who had left him for Russia after just two months of their legal marriage and never returned.

Spending time, money and effort to find and serve her papers was not high on our priority list.  As time marched on, we eventually bought a home and had a baby and put the whole mess in the back on our minds.

But those kinds of things have a way of sneaking back up to you..

Double Talk Quote: “Love you later” – Amor still says this (mix of “love you” and “see you later”)

Bible Verse:  “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:14

Word that has Lost its meaning: settled

Relatable Lyrics:  “Silly Love Songs” by Paul McCartney https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I77JyDu0HVU

(March 20, 2015 –  twins 8 months)

***Update Note to clarify***  Amor’s 1st wife had moved to Russia 2 months after they got married.  He followed her and lived there for a few months in an attempt to save the marriage.  When it didn’t work out, he returned.

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Cultural Differences, Drum Roll Please, Marital Bliss, Uncategorized

1. I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do: The Proposal

I do - Amor y Corazon

Amor and I have exchanged vows four times.  That’s right four times.  Why? one might ask.  Well, it isn’t because we enjoy expressing our undying love for one another.

15 years ago, I was in a domestic violence type of relationship with a bad man.  Long story short, I got away and made up my mind that I would never again be under that kind of abusive power.  I developed a “I am woman, hear me roar” type of attitude.  I wanted children some day, but coming from that relationship and having had experienced the heartache of a broken home growing up, kids and family were not foremost on my mind.  I decided that I would never get married.  It was an antiquated institution anyway.  That’s what I thought.

I was conflicted about it, however, because, although I lived a rather worldly life at the time, I was still a Christian and still held certain values.  I liked to drink alcohol and have fun, but I did not sleep around.  Since before I was old enough to know what it was, it had been engrained in me that sex outside of marriage is a sin.  If you must have sex, get married.  (Hum, that theory hadn’t worked out so well with the first relationship I was in).  So celibate I remained.

I was not a “good girl,” though, and I actually found it fun toying with boys.  I was a hot, blond bomb-shell type who lived at the beach so I had plenty of opportunities to flirt around and make the male tourists think they’d get some action, just to say “adios” after they had invested their whole evening with me.  This was my way of getting back at all males (especially the self-proclaimed “playars”) for being jerks.

I had a lot of guy friends.  Amor was one of the best of them.  During the first three years we knew each other, he actually got married to a Russian woman and moved to a different hemisphere.  When it didn’t work out and he returned, I started to realize that we’d be good together.  I loved that he had such a giving heart and we were both very hard workers and worked well together.  (Someday I’ll tell that back story entitled “Yellow and Green Skittles”).  So Amor and I started dating and eventually, “messing around.”

But I felt convicted so I told him:  “We have to get married.”  This was about 11 pm on April 7, 2005.  We were both a little tipsy.  I was also rapid cycling (on a bipolar roller coaster ride) during this time and was blissfully yet painfully oblivious to that fact.  So I grabbed an old prom dress I just happened to have in my closet and we went to the downstairs level of my little apartment.  I did a quick “Ask Jeeves” search on the interweb for getting married online.  We exchanged our vows by typing them in to the computer.  There was a prayer and then a certificate appeared.  I printed it out.  It had room for 4 witness signatures.  No one else was there.  Law & Order SVU had been playing, on mute, in the background so I wrote in the names Olivia Benson, Eliot Stabler, Ice-T, and Jack McCoy.  Done.  We went back upstairs to enjoy our honeymoon…

Double Talk Quote: “I’m trying to remember the Sabbath and keep it Holy.” – Me 10+ years ago, “But Michelita, you violate it already…long time ago.” – Amor, whose English wasn’t quite as awesome as now, but yielded some awesomely funny quotes.

Verse:  “…But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” 1 Corinthians 7:28

Word that has Lost its meaning: tipsy

Relatable Lyrics: “Viveme” by Laura Pausini https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ_o_uEmzoE – dedicated to mi Amor

(March 17 2015 –  twins 8 months)

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Cultural Differences, Drum Roll Please, Marital Bliss, Uncategorized

Why I Choose To No Longer Wear Leggings

leggings

I’ve decided that as a good, clean, pious, woman of high moral fortitude, I will never wear leggings, as they may entice men, particularly my husband, to think lustful thoughts about me.
In the same spirit, I have disposed of all my lipstick and mascara in an effort to not draw attention to my lip and eye regions, as I have been told, in the past that I have nice nice eyes and sexy lips. Actually, I am currently looking for a great online website that sells burqas (full face veils) at a decent price.

I am fully aware that wearing jeans is out too, since the style is to wear them skinny and therefore since they are the same style as leggings, they may make my legs look like they are the shape of legs, therefore making men think of legs, and therefore automatically they will, for sure, think of sex. Jeans that are not shaped like legs are automatically associated with sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll and I don’t want to be associated with such hippie nonsense.
Skirts are a no-no. A man might tie a mirror to his shoe to see what’s up under there and since I no longer wear leggings, he might get an eye-full!

I know some men have feet fetishes so flip-flops are out, just in case I run across a man with such sexual proclivities. I would hate to think my toes may be a stumbling block to anyone with this sexual affliction.

On the same note, I was thinking, since hands are often used during the very act of sex itself that I should wear gloves too, lest a man see them and have immoral imaginations. However, gloves cling to hands and in essence do for fingers what leggings do for legs. Therefore, I think going with mittens would be a wiser, more modest approach.

Many men think long hair is sexy. Then again, others think short hair is sexier, so I will start braiding my hair in pigtails to make sure I look like Laura Ingalls from “Little House on the Prairie.” But don’t be alarmed, I will still cover my head so that potential pedophiles won’t be tempted either.

Even though leggings would be the most convenient, affordable and comfortable clothing I could possibly wear, seeing as I recently gave birth to twins and gained 768 lbs during my pregnancy and going out and purchasing a new wardrobe every time I lose a few pounds is not feasible, I refuse to wear them.

So here’s the conundrum: what to wear. Earlier in this article I mentioned looking for inexpensive veils. You see, I tried cutting out the netting from one of Bella’s dresses and wrapping it around my head, but the tulle was white and my eyes are green so they weren’t very well hidden. To cover my body, I thought about cutting some holes in a sheet but that’s what the puritans used to do when they would have sex on their wedding nights. Perhaps I can visit a few thrift stores in search of a few gently used choir robes and that should solve all my problems. In the meantime, I had the idea to disassemble my sister Sarah’s goldfish catching net and sew it to the hooded portion of my Snuggie.

Surely will this not only ward off any tempting thoughts by the men I come across, this will definitely benefit me, especially when I visit the beach or my local water park. Normally, when I’m wearing a bikini, I have to apply sunblock on an hourly basis, since my fair skin burns easily. Now, I won’t have to worry about that anymore.

It is not at all insulting to men in general to imply that it is impossible for them to control their own thoughts. It is also simply not possible that our society may present and promote sex in a way that encourages men to think perverse thoughts. I will make sure that I never go to Africa because I’m sure all those men down there are thinking dirty, filthy thoughts about the topless African women who walk around their un-airconditioned huts feeding their babies from their naked breasts.

Finally, there is surely nothing more important that I should be doing right now, so it’s good that I took the time to write about this very serious issue.

 

Category:

Cultural Differences, Drum Roll Please, Uncategorized

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7. What a Week! Wednesday

IMG_20141021_141218

Grandma was still sick so she couldn’t take Mica to school. That meant Amor had to wake up in the middle of his “shift” to take her. He wouldn’t dare make up the sleep, however by missing his regularly scheduled soccer game. We all paid for that later. (The man gets grumpy if he’d denied the basic necessities of life: food, sleep, sex and soccer).

Bella had thrush that I thought had cleared up. But it was showing signs of coming back. I had to sanitize all the bottles and pacifiers and pump parts, again, no easy task. It felt like a repeat of sanitizing all Mica’s stuff from the lice incident, except with baby stuff. I had to put medication on my nipples, which actually made them sorer than I think they had been in the beginning.
Starla came over at about 1pm. I needed to go major grocery shopping. We have been very strapped for cash lately, and those quick meals that sneak up on us have been costly. Amor “runs” to the store quite frequently to buy a chicken or what-not and those visits not only add up financially, but take a lot of time, so I also feel like I’m left with the babies a lot. I figure by planning meals ahead of time and making one big trip, we can save time and money.

It’s been a while since I was the one doing the shopping, plus I went to a new store, so it took longer than I’d hoped. I also bought a cheap vacuum. We had installed carpet in the room before the babies were born and we don’t allow the pets to come in, but somehow, there is cat hair everywhere. When I got home, I asked Amor to put the food away so that he would know what I’d purchased and where it was. But he flat out refused but did offer to take the babies to Tia’s house while I did that. I pumped then spent the rest of the afternoon doing prep work for meals for the next few weeks. I tried out the new vacuum and it was terrible. One more thing to add to my “to-do” list – return to store. I got done around 6pm, just in time for babies and Mica to return. I nursed one baby at a time while simultaneously helping Mica get ready for bed. I popped my head in to check on mom. She asked me for a Diet Mt. Dew. I’d have to go to the store. I reluctantly sent Amor while I tried to keep my eyes open long enough to get my 3 kids to close theirs. An hour later, he returned with the soda, and all the other stuff he said I’d failed to get from the store earlier. So much for making a list and sticking to it.

Far too exhausted for a shower, I fell into bed, as I started to drift off I remembered: Sarah and I were supposed to take snacks for our mommy’s group on Friday. I had completely forgotten about that while at the store.

Category:

Cultural Differences, Life With Twins, Marital Bliss

5. What a Week! More Monday

Woah mama

… It was 11:15 before I got a chance to take my brake. I knew I’d be pushing it, but I really wanted to lighten my hair and take a bath. It was 11:55 when I was walking out but Amor met me before I even made it to the room with a baby, it was time for him to leave for soccer and apparently, Starla had already said goodbye (although she hadn’t left yet). I realized I’d been too busy to fix Bella’s bottles that morning and he told me he fed her one while I was in the shower. I freaked out because I thought he’d fixed it wrong. Panic started to boil up in me and I let him have it. I pointed at the clock as I finished putting on my shirt, “Look, it is exactly 12pm and I’m back on duty” etc. I felt rage, so I went to the bathroom and started deep breathing exercises. I fought off thoughts too excruciating to type – “That’s a lie from the Devil. That’s not true” I told myself. The bible says…

“Anger is a secondary emotion,” trying to calm down “what’s really going on here?”

Deep breath. Ok. I’m angry, not at Amor, I’m angry at myself. I didn’t have the bottles set up. I took a break. I feel guilty. That’s it. Guilt. That’s completely irrational. I’m being irrational. I apologized to Amor and he left for soccer. Sarah and Joe were walking out the door too, to head to an appointment. Both babies were screaming. Brooks because he was hungry, Bella because she’d just eaten and needed to be held upright. I rocked them both and tried to feed Brooks but he kept coming unlatched. I also seemed to catch the first sense of jealousy in Bella’s eyes as I tried to feed her brother and just rock her. It didn’t work out.

Eventually, of course, it all passed. Amor came home and hopped in the shower. Bella had finally fallen asleep. Brooks had finally been fed. It was 2:10 when the phone rang. It was Mica’s school. I had to go pick her up. They’ve discovered nits in her hair. To be continued…

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Cultural Differences, Marital Bliss

3, What A Week! Last Saturday

9 years

Up at 3 am, pumping, going to take over for my shift, get the news that Mica has a terrible case of lice. I see major clean-up in my immediate future. Must strip beds, wash laundry, put away stuffed animals, the works. Must be done by the time Mica arrives home Sunday night to prevent re-infestation. Her book bag was filthy so I washed it, but very carefully because it has flashing lights in the lining. The washing machine and dryer ran all day, as did I.

At one point, Sarah, Joe, and Asher left and Amor pointed out that we were alone in the house. He asked me to put on some see through lingerie that would fit me (I had sorted some old clothes earlier in the week but hadn’t gotten around to going through that part of the closet yet). I come out in a see-through slip with bright pink silky panties and continue the chores. “Ooh, yeah… but what about…” So we went through this and that to find a very ridiculous black netted body suit and thongs. I texted Sars not to come home without calling first. After working for a few hours in the get-up to eliminate the possibility of lice in our home and doing load after load of laundry and stopping from time to time to pump / feed a baby or two, they finally went to sleep and we got our chance to have a short bit of intimate time. Afterwards, as I was putting back on my black and pink skirt I’d been wearing before we started the charade, he says, “You know what, I think you look even sexier in that.” Am I on Candid Camera?

I kept working but it became evident that it just wasn’t going to all get cleaned and sanitized that day.

Written for Oct 18, 2014

Category:

Cultural Differences, Life With Twins

2. What a Week – Last Friday

hi cuties 1

Woke up at 12am with Amor scolding me for not having gotten up earlier when he woke me to pump. I guess I’d slept through that. I slept until 3 and pumped again, took over with the babies, cuddled them one by one, couldn’t stay awake though, despite coffee and Adderall. I figured that since we weren’t having the yard sale anyway, I’d stop pushing so hard to sort junk, give myself a break. I did need to pack Mica’s stuff for the beach, but she and Amor were asleep in her room. I’ve been so tired lately, I started thinking, “Am I just not manic anymore, or is this a side-effect of the Seroquel?”  It does make me very drowsy.  I’ve also had a lot of back pain since falling while rushing to see the “blood moon” with Mica while still kind of out-of-it that morning.

Sarah and I went to our mommies’ group at 10. Asher was hungry by the time it was over and it usually takes Sarah a while to breastfeed him, so I lugged the babies downstairs. But, to my surprise, by the time we got down, he was ready to go, so I re-lugged them back upstairs and packed up the car. We arrived home at the time Amor would usually be leaving. But Amor had planned to skip soccer to help sort for the yard sale and I assumed he would be okay sticking to that because packing (for Mica’s weekend trip) is a big chore and they planned to leave at 3pm. When he plays, he returns at 2:15 and then has to take a shower. He was not happy to skip. Starla was here offering to help. We were out of milk and had WIC vouchers. The babies’ laundry had piled up. Mica arrived at about 1pm and helped me pack. I calmly explained to Amor that Starla could help with the babies, if he’d just get the Wic stuff, that would be such a big help. He told me I could do that after I packed and got Mica off. I told him that puts more stress on me and we have help right now, we won’t later! He went. After everyone left (Sars and Joe included), it was just Amor and I and the babies in the house. He was pouty. So I offered to spend some quality time with him and let him choose a Netflix show to watch. I fell asleep nursing Brooksies during the third rerun episode of “My name is Earl.”

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Cultural Differences, Life With Twins

And The Rain Came Down

2- 4X6, large Wedding Bliss

Keeping a marriage strong is hard work. Add cultural differences and it’s really hard. Multiply that with a kid and it’s really, really hard. Add twins and, well, you can imagine. It is exponentially hard when mental illness is thrown in the equation. Amor and I have had our share of difficulties over the years, but nothing like after the birth of our twins.

All of our children have an amazing anointing over their lives. I believe that all children are born with a specific purpose and plan (Jeremiah 29:11) but that not all great things come to fruition in one’s life because Satan meddles and gets lives off track. God can turn all that around of course and use what Satan had twisted for evil and use it for good (Romans 8:28). But one can avoid so much pain and confusion and time by following God in the first place. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). This is the goal for my children. They are going to be “Earthquakers” and shake things up here on earth for the glory of God.

In our lives, Satan has been trying to meddle; trying to annihilate what he knows is trouble for his attempts to kill, steal, and destroy. One way he’s been trying to get at our little anointed ones is by attacking our marriage. I am married to a very brilliant man who is very smart and talented in many diverse areas. Being a stay-at-home dad, however, is not his forte. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was unable to take care of Mica and Hope the way I had before. Amor (who lost his job when he asked for time off) had to take over. Due to cultural differences, and the fact that he’s never been responsible for this area of our lives made the transition difficult for us all. Structure, discipline and consistency are not traits he grew up with or puts much emphasis on.

The babies were born in the summer. By the time school started for Mica, we had very different ideas of how to handle parenting issues. We also disagreed about the best way to handle various baby issues. His point of view was that, Biblically speaking, he is the head of the household and I should submit to him. My point of view was that this is my area of expertise. I have practical experience. I have a degree in this. I have studied Child Psychology and Behavioral Psychology. I have read numerous books and countless articles on parenting. I talk to other parents and pay attention to how those I admire handle situations. I watch “Super Nanny.” In the past, his job was to be the breadwinner. My job was to raise our daughter and be CEO of our home. He had no idea what my job entailed.

Amor quickly became overloaded and overwhelmed. Satan attacked his mind: Instead of looking for solutions, he decided the best thing to do was to relieve stress with alcohol, but he knew that I would never go for that. We’ve been down that destructive road before. He became resentful of me and hostile towards me. He theorized that alcohol should be his “medication.” After all, I take medication. What’s the difference?
I quickly became terrified and defensive. Satan attacked my mind: What if he leaves me alone with three kids? What if he leaves me and tries to take our kids? Could he claim I’m an unfit mother for taking medication (and being “on drugs”)? Could he claim I’m an unfit mother for not being medicated (and being “crazy”)?

The “D” word had never come up before in our 9 years of marriage. It was excruciating to consider.

We were at each other’s throats for weeks, both aggravated and unwilling to concede. I used to hide these kinds of issues, out of fear, embarrassment, or privacy, but the truth is, I realized that we needed help. I told everyone, “Hey, Satan is attacking my marriage, please pray!” We eventually went to see my Christian counselor who delicately explained what God says about all of these issues.

The next day, I noticed an attitude change. He was purposefully trying to be nice. I returned the gesture. Things have gotten better. Godly advice and the power of prayer have definitely improved our relationship. It’s still a struggle, though and no doubt we will always have to fight to keep what we have alive and well. Prayers are encouraged and appreciated.

Double Talk Story: Amor kept “messing” with me before the mandated postpartum 6 weeks had passed, despite me telling him countless times to leave me alone. Finally, aggravated and exasperated I grabbed my pen, pinned him down, and wrote “Do not mess with Corazón!” on his right hand. The girls saw this and, thinking it was funny, started chasing him down and coloring him with markers.

Bible Verses: Matthew 7:24-27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Word that has Lost its meaning: Privacy

Relatable Lyrics: “Two Sets of Jones’” by Big Tent Revival – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQE5PNRLZ40&list=LLmekDNA5dH80KEriIgwZLZQ&index=17

Written – Started: September 10, 2014 (10 weeks old) – Completed: September 30, 2014 (3 months)

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Cultural Differences, Life With Twins, Marital Bliss, Uncategorized

Time to Brush Your Teeth

Mica Smiles

 

Amor has heard me tell Mica time and time again that it’s time to brush her teeth. Apparently, being from Mexico (where dental hygiene education is not stressed in the schools or by the government like it is in the USA) and from a family with nine children of a single mom, this was not something he heard a lot while growing up. Also, Mica’s cousin, Hope (whose mommy is also from Mexico and from the same family) has had serious dental issues. For this reason, I’ve always stressed the importance of oral hygiene to Mica (out loud) and explained why she needed to brush, floss and rinse and what would happen if she didn’t. I even wrote an English/Spanish song about it to sing to Mica and Hope each morning and night! I have found that educating my children out loud is a very good method of educating the adults around me without offending anyone or sounding preachy. (Uh oh – I’m giving up trade secrets here).

Mica and Amor know where bad breath comes from. They’ve heard me talk about good germs / bad germs enough to make them sick! So naturally, after the babies were born, rule number one was: wash your hands or use hand sanitizer before handling the babies. But people don’t just handle babies, especially people in my family. Their little baby heads, cheeks, hands, neck and feet get kissed all over. It wasn’t long before we noticed some visitors and family members whose breath was less than desirable. Theorizing that bad breath equals bad germs, Amor announced that anyone handling babies not only needed hand sanitizer, but also must brush his or her teeth first.

This turned out to be quite an impractical demand. I would be alone with the babies and get stressed out. By the time I would ask for help, I usually needed it immediately. Grandma or Mica would say, “Okay, but I gotta brush my teeth first!” Then I’d be there with babies both needing something and me being unable to help them for another two minutes. Two minutes may sound trivial but it is an eternity in “double baby crying” time. Finally, I told Amor we had to get some gum with Xylitol. We put a little bowl in each room and by the front door (replacing the value pack toothbrushes purchased for visitors) and began to simply offer people gum.
I even had to resort to chewing gum instead of brushing a time or two. There have been days that I literally did not have time or available hands for brushing. Other days I’ve brushed multiple times because I couldn’t remember if I’d brushed them earlier or not. It gives new meaning to the phrase, “Time to brush your teeth.”

Double Talk Quote: Baby Brooks was choking, and Amor was going to use an aspirator called the “Snot Sucker” (sounds gross but it does have a filter!). Amor had just woken up and was obviously not thinking clearly. Before he started to use the aspirator, he said “Wait – should I brush my teeth first?” “Don’t you think we should get him breathing again first!?!” I snapped. It was such a serious situation but at least we can look back on it now and find some humor in it.

Relatable Lyrics: “Turn, Turn, Turn” by the Byrds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKP4cfU28vM

Verse: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:10

Word that has lost its meaning: Free Moment

(written at 6 weeks)

Category:

Cultural Differences, Life With Twins

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