Think: "You think you can, You think you can, You think you can" & one day say: "You thought you could, You said you could, You knew you could" & thus, at least: you thought you did.

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Midnight Medication Mixup

Morning Mommy 3

Sleep is the key to my sanity.  If I can regulate sleep, it’s easier to regulate my moods as well.

I have medication that I take at night and I have medication I take in the morning; and never the tween shall meet.  Except they did last night.  Instead of my usual regimen of Ambien, Abilify, and Lamictal, I skipped the first two, opting to take 1/2 of  a Seroquel instead (my doctor is okay with me doing this on occasion).  I had felt a bit of hypomania coming on so I wanted a good night’s rest and Seroquel usually does the trick.  I also knew I didn’t have a busy day coming up so I could rest if it made me a bit drowsy.

But…A cat pressed his way through the door, which was pulled-to but apparently not closed and the hallway light was on.   I woke up in a haze, barely able to see.  The piercing light was coming from the same direction of the clock and I could have sworn that hallway light was the break of dawn.  I could have sworn the time said 6 am, not 2 am.  So I swallowed my pills thinking I’d snooze for a few minutes before I had to wake up Mica to get ready for school.  I was at the apex of a very intricately narrated “movie” dream, when suddenly I was jolted awake.  The meds had kicked in and it was time to get on with the day.

Except…it was 2:30 am.

I’ve been working a lot on immigration case work for my husband lately, so I had plenty to do to occupy my time.  But I worried I’d run out of energy mid-day and be out-of-sorts when the twins (and older girls) needed me the most.  Fortunately, I was able to direct my hypomania into my work during those early morning hours, and even throughout the day, going to the grocery store before anyone in the household was even away, preparing breakfast, cleaning house, and playing hopscotch, painting with the twins and cooking and having a picknick supper outside.  The most trouble I had was lying still when the babes were ready to cuddle.

It’s 8:55pm now.  I’m starting to get tired.  Not sleepy, though.  Just tired.  I’ll take my night meds and rest again and maybe tomorrow will be…just as good.

(written 6/1/2016, Twins 23 months, Mica 8, Hope 7)

Double Talk Quote: “It was a surprise!” – Tia (Hope’s mom) announcing her new pregnancy.  Why am I not surprised?  Congrats to me! (jk – kinda)

Bible Verse: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”  Matthew 6:34

Term that has lost its meaning: creep-o-cat

Relatable Lyrics:   “I Did My Best” by Soul Asylum

“I was waiting for a chain reaction
With a missing link…
…I was tired of being tired
I could not get no rest
So I kept sleepwalking and talking in my sleep
Yes I did my best”

 

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Uncategorized

Tagged with:

ADHD, Anxiety, and Bipolar Disisum

Mica Homework

Last year, I wrote a 3 part article (see here) about my then 6-year-old daughter, Mica and our trouble getting her diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).  She’d been having difficulties staying focused and getting work completed both at home and in school.  It has taken this long, but we’re at the cusp of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  She’s been diagnosed by a Psychologist, medicated by a doctor and her teachers have seen remarkable improvement.  We are just waiting on some paperwork to complete the process of starting an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for her now.

But in first grade, before the official diagnosis, all the school could do was try different intervention techniques.  I insisted on having a conference with the school psychologist (at the urging of Mica’s pediatrician).  I wanted my husband, Amor to attend the meeting as well so we packed up our 8-month-old twins and Mica, and headed off to our meeting.  The babies were wide awake, so we brought lollipops in case they started fussing (a desperate strategy, I know, but a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do).

I felt a seed of nervousness on our drive to the school.  I had prepared a list of different strategies we had tried.  I felt I would have to prove to the psychologist that there was, indeed, an issue and we had been trying to improve it.  Walking into the classroom, that nervous feeling spouted into full-blown stomach-dropping anxiety:  Not only were the psychologist and teacher there but an entire panel of school teachers, staff, and experts were in attendance as well.

They wasted no time, all talking about my daughter and her “problem,” and all their observations.  No one talked directly to Mica.  No one seemed to acknowledge that she was even in the room.  I could barely focus.  All I could think was how this might be impacting her; her self-esteem, her nerves, her feelings.  A few short minutes into the meeting, I slyly glanced at Amor.  He seemed uncomfortable with Mica being there too.

So…I reached over and swiped the lollipop out of baby Brook’s mouth.  Right on cue, he cried and right on cue Amor swooped all three of the kids up.  “I think I’d better take them outside.” he interrupted, politely.  “Okay, let me gather their things,” I replied.  As I did, I reach in my purse and discreetly slipped myself a Xanax.  After their departure, I was able to articulate to the “team” about the issues we’d been having and our efforts to combat them.  The teacher did the same and we all problem solved for a while.

When we got home from the conference, I took Mica aside.  I gently but candidly asked her how she felt about what had happened earlier.  She nonchalantly shrugged it off.  I pressed on, assuring her that no one thought less of her, and that her brain just works differently than some of her classmates and that in many ways, that was a good thing.  She was cool as a cucumber.  I asked her if she felt nervous when all those people were talking about her.  She calmly said no.  “I just want you to know that it’s okay if you felt a little nervous.  I sure felt nervous,” I said reassuringly.  “That’s because you have ‘Bipolar Disisum,’ Mommy!”

And there it was.  I had almost, inadvertently projected my own befuddled, Bipolar and anxious feelings onto my daughter.

Each morning I pray for blessing, protection, salvation, and supernatural favor for my children.  I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide them and for Angels to protect them.  In this case, Mica was protected.  I’m so grateful to God for that.  She wasn’t the least bit affected by the conference.  Her self-esteem and self-awareness was intact.  Her clarity of judgement and ability to pinpoint my inadequacies was astonishing.

I started laughing, then she starting giggling.  I tickled her until she shrieked!  The girl may be young but she’s wise beyond her years.

Mica eyes

Double Talk Quote: “Bipolar Disisum,” – Mica, age 6

Bible Verse:  Psalm 127:4 “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.”

Term has Lost its meaning: a timely fashion (it’s taken over a year for the school system to put a plan into place)

Relatable Lyrics: dedicated to Mica:  “You Make Me Smile” by Uncle Kracker – “…I see the best of me inside your eyes…You make me smile.”

 

(Feb 23, 2016 –  Twins 1 1/2, Mica almost 8)

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Uncategorized

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Updates & About

“Take a 10 minute, well deserved break                         & see that you, too, can relate!”

Well, I’ve had this blog for over a year now and those of you who read consistently may have noticed that I have changed a few things around.  I have:

  • Updated my “About” page (See Here)
  • Changed Theme
  • Revamped a few settings
  • Obtained a new (easier to remember) URL:  SuperMommyOfTwins.com, which matches my email address SuperMommyOfTwins@gmail.com
  • I have cards that carry my information that I can pass out to fellow “Moms Of Many” (or any mom, parent of twin, person with mood disorder or relative of person with mood disorders, or relative of someone with twins, really)

My website is not used for commerce.  I don’t sell anything.  I am giving away things here.  My thoughts, my words, my work, my prayers, my time, my ideas, and my energy are worth something.  My prayers are that:

  • with every word that I type, I am leaving a seed in the hearts of those who read it,
  • my writing is inspirational to other moms,
  • I give hope to others who also have mood disorders such as Bipolar disorder or depression,
  • I am pleasing God by obeying and glorifying Him with my writing,
  • this may be a stepping stool to getting “Think Big” cards in print somehow.

So, please see my updated “About” page and feel free to comment here or directly at the above email address.  I’d love your feedback on the site and your thoughts about what I’m trying to accomplish with this blog.

Thanks for reading!

Me & my girls, Magnificent Mica & Beauty Bella

Me & my girls, Magnificent Mica and Beauty Bella

IMG_4075

Me & my Super Son, Brooks

(Twins 13 months, Mica 7)

– S. Michelle Ward Mendoza (aka SuperMommy, aka SuperBelle, aka Belle)

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Life With Twins

Tagged with:

1. ADD to the Stress

Mica - awww

I have suspected for some time that Mica, my almost 7-year-old daughter, has ADD or ADHD. It is a genetic “disorder” and in runs in both sides of her family.  She has extreme difficulty focusing on and completing simple tasks such as getting ready in the morning and at night, doing homework, eating, and doing chores.  These tasks consume nearly every free moment she has and is stressful not only for her but for those in charge.  It is exasperating as a parent to try to get things accomplished.

The problem was first brought to my attention when she was 4 years old. Maybe I hadn’t noticed before because I was a stay-at-home mom and she was my first child and it was pretty early to notice symptoms.  Looking back on it, we did have a pretty relaxed schedule.  If we got interrupted while doing something, it was no big deal.  In fact I would encourage it for learning purposes.  For example, if we were having lunch together and we heard an unusual noise, we would go “investigate” and just go back to eating later.

So when her preschool teachers said she was on “Mica Time,” I didn’t think of it as much of a problem.  (I even have a song entitled “Mica Time” about how nice it must be to not be worried about time.)  Yes, we experienced some frustrations getting ready but I usually handled it pretty well.  I just made sure she got up early and promised to reward her with a game before school if she was ready early.  We actually had a lot of fun during those days playing hide-and-seek and Candy Land at 8:00 in the morning.

Kindergarten was not as charming of an experience.  I got pregnant and very, very ill during the Fall and stayed sick throughout my pregnancy so it was difficult for me to help her in the same way I had before.  Add to that the increasing responsibilities that come with elementary school, such as homework and the need to be more independent and organized and we ended up with some chaotic days.  Her scholastic grades were excellent but she consistently got “Needs improvement” in the areas of “Completing Class Assignments” and “Uses Time Wisely.”  We were advised to use a timer and play the game “beat the clock.”  That seemed to work well at first but soon became yet another source of stress.

I was determined that this year, 1st grade would be different.  It is different.  Different but not better.

I tried to implement a system that would encourage her to be more independent and reward her accomplishments.  She had a morning and night check-list and timers for each task.  I made her a “Wise Time” chart to try to explain in a visual way that shaving time off remedial tasks would equal more time for play (a concept she clearly grasps but can’t quite achieve).  We gave out reward bracelets for meeting goals and prizes once she collected a certain number.  She had a morning launch-pad she would prepare the night before.  It would have been a great system.

However, the arrival of the multiple babies in the house brought even more opportunities for distraction on all our parts!  It was difficult to follow through because she required so much one-on-one attention to focus.

Although her general pediatrician was unable to definitively diagnosis her, she instructed us to see a psychologist, and her school has started the process of evaluation, which will take approximately 10 weeks.

In the meantime, we’ll just keep on keepin’ on…

Double Talk Quote: “Please stop rushing me.” – Mica says this every day, usually more than once.

Verse:  “Finishing is better than starting.  Patience is better than pride.” Ecclesiastes 7:8

Word that has Lost its meaning: focus

Relatable Lyrics: “Tired of Waiting for You” by The Kinks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLAuxLqln5s

(March 4, 2015 –  twins 8 months)

Category:

Bipolar Mommy, Life With Twins, Uncategorized

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